


crash through the surface

by Valkyrees



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Little bit of angst, kara's shit at driving but she learnss, lots of fluff, smut smut smut, the road trip no one asked for, there's actual plot in this, there's sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-09-06 16:16:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 37,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16836130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valkyrees/pseuds/Valkyrees
Summary: Lena's finally laughing again, and Kara has to duck her head to hide how relieved she feels. After nearly four days of absolute hell, she's finally got herLenaback, and they're finally happy and having fun together."And look at us now," Kara says loudly, so Lena doesn't get choked up. Or so she doesn't get choked up.Whichever. "We're like Thelma and Louise -- on the run from the law, having the best road trip of our lives."Lena rolls her eyes. "Didn't Thelma and Louise end badly?""No," Kara says, clapping her hands together and positively beaming. "It ended mid-air, the freest they'd ever been."OR,the fic where Lena gets involved with something dangerous, Kara's in over her head with everything, and neither one of them know how to deal with their feelings for each other.





	1. harder than a bullet could hit ya

**Author's Note:**

> rating is for overall story, not for current chapter
> 
> releasing this in 4 parts, explicit starting chapter 3

*

Kara loses her powers for a few days and Lena panics.

Except that, that makes it seem like Lena actually _knows_ she has powers, or that Lena knows she solar-flared last night and that it's only temporary for her. But no—Kara's pretty sure the only thing Lena knows is that her best friend is standing awkwardly in her office, slightly more disheveled than usual with a purpling bruise around her eye.

" _Christ_ , Kara," Lena says, standing up behind her desk and nearly knocking her chair backwards. Her big green eyes are _wide_ and way more concerned than they need to be when she asks, "Are you okay?"

Kara _is_ okay, honestly.

The truth isn't that complicated: the DEO caught wind of a break-in at an L-Corp storage warehouse yesterday, and Kara showed up to an ambush of highly skilled soldiers wielding guns that could actually knock the wind out of her. Which was a bit odd, to be honest, since she's fought against most types of weaponry before, but for some reason this was a lot for her to handle. So she ended up solar-flaring during the fight, right before the DEO agents got there as back-up.

Now she's going through the subsequent days of solar recharging, and passing her time focusing on her reporting career rather than fighting crime.

Which is why she's _here_ , so she can get information about last night from Lena.

A simple excuse for a simple issue, really, but Kara can't explain any of that to Lena. So instead she says, "It's nothing, don't worry," and waves it off. "There was just this guy on the bus and I—"

"A guy hit you?" Lena interrupts immediately, moving around her desk at lightning speed to get closer to Kara. This already feels like a mistake. "What does he look like?"

"Wait, no. Sorry. It's not like that. I just meant I hit _him_ , with my eye," Kara explains, and laughs a little to highlight how non-serious of a situation this is. Which doesn't seem to be working, since Lena still looks concerned, eyes narrowed like she's assessing Kara's health-status. "I mean, like, I tripped into his elbow when the bus hit a curb. It was innocent, honest. You really don't have to worry."

"Sure. Okay," Lena says slowly, folding her arms across her chest.

And then she stays silent for a tense moment, bright eyes focused on Kara in an alarmingly attractive way. Everything about her is alarmingly attractive today, from her perfectly styled hair to her designer blouse and pencil skirt, to the way she's pressing her beautiful lips together and absolutely distracting Kara from everything she's trying to do here.

It wasn't long ago that Kara would get side-tracked mentally comparing Lena to things like the Northern Lights (rare and breath-taking), but now she's mostly settled on Lena being unfairly gorgeous -- a distinction that hasn't really helped her focus any better when she's in Lena's presence, a distinction that has done absolutely nothing for the way Kara's heart flutters every time Lena blinks her lashes.

"I don't think I like you taking the bus," Lena finally decides, "I'm teaching you how to drive."

"That's ridiculous," Kara snaps, thinking of the million ways that's bad. "I can usually _fly_... er, uh, here on the bus because I don't have to worry about parking." _Crap_ , she's been a superhero for years now, and she's still as smooth as gravel when it comes to keeping her powers a secret. "You don't have to waste the time."

Thankfully, Lena doesn't catch on to how weird she's being. She never seems to catch on. "I'm clearing my schedule so I'll be free after tomorrow. It's non-negotiable."

Kara wants to argue but Lena's close and she's beautiful, and she's making that face like her mind is already made up and there isn't a single thing that Kara can do about it. So, it's probably useless to argue and Kara doesn't really want to, not with her, not when they already spend so much time at odds with each other when she's Supergirl _._

Besides, Kara's got a job to do -- one that involves learning about the break-in so she can maybe get the DEO's first solid lead on this case.

"Okay, okay. That's fine," Kara says, grinning despite her nerves creeping up. Maybe her mind's stuttering a bit between _this is a terrible idea_ and _I'd do anything to be close to Lena_. "So, there was a break-in at an L-Corp warehouse on the edge of the city. Wondering what exactly was stored there, and why someone would want to take it?"

"Glad to hear you're on board," Lena says, and then she turns and walks back toward her desk. Kara follows her. "The DEA updated its new chemical ban list to accommodate the components of dangerous alien-introduced drugs. L-Corp was storing its banned chemicals in an off-site warehouse to comply with regulations, while we filed a proposal for an exception. Some of those chemicals are valuable to my research."

"So the move was anticipated," Kara says, fumbling her reporter notepad, and trying to compose herself before Lena turns back around. "Do you think this was an inside job?"

"Are you asking if someone in my corporation was involved..." Lena asks as she turns around and tilts her head. Kara can feel her heart pumping because she knows what comes next and she _hates_ that she has to ask Lena these questions. "...or are you asking if I staged a break-in to make it appear to the DEA that I no longer have those chemicals?"

"Both, actually. Sorry, I just. Objective reporting, I have to ask."

"No, that's fine." Lena folds her arms, and she's smiling, but Kara still feels a bit like an asshole. She gets the whole objective reporting thing, but _it's hard_. "Part of the proposal involves my ability to keep the chemicals secure. This public break-in effectively shoots down my chances of approval. Whether or not I use them, I'd need that approval to ever publish any of my research involving the chemicals."

Kara nods immediately, smiling. "Right, that's what I thought. Um, I should get going, but driving lessons?"

Lena laughs. "Yes, I'll text you where."

*

"I'm thinking intergalactic drug smuggling, or maybe just earthly drug smuggling — either way, the chemicals are used for drugs."

Alex nods slowly, obviously thinking over the information. "Drugs, or whatever the hell Lena is using them for. She's been known to manufacture a dangerous thing or two with dangerous chemicals."

"Yeah, but it's too much of a coincidence," Kara deflects. She hates when they suspect Lena of wrongdoing and she has to betray Lena either as Supergirl or Kara. She just wants her to be innocent so they can get along. "A huge heist like this just as these particular chemicals go on a drug ban-list. I'd put my money on the drugs."

"Yes, but let's keep a close eye on Lena for the time being."

"Should be easy enough," Kara says, and for some reason she's positively beaming. "Lena's teaching me how to drive day after tomorrow."

Alex just glares at her across the countertop. "No way, not a good idea."

"She said it's non-negotiable, Alex. I'm pretty sure that means I can't negotiate."

"Since when has something ever been non-negotiable for Kara Danvers?" Alex asks, and she has a point.

Kara pretty much does what she wants, when she wants, and she doesn't like when people try to stop her. But this is _Lena_. She's pretty sure she'd do what Lena wants, when Lena wants — and also wouldn't like if anyone tried to stop her from doing that. Which is maybe problematic, but she doesn't want to think about it.

"I don't know, I mean." Kara shrugs her shoulders up to her ears. "Eliza never taught me to drive, said it was too dangerous. And I am in better control of my powers now, so it's always good to learn."

"Except the day after tomorrow you should just be getting your powers back. You sure you're ready to be trapped in a car, just when you're getting back your ability to fly."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Kara says, and Alex smiles with half her mouth like she's on to something. Kara hates when she does that. She's usually right, and it's usually awkward. "Don't look at me that way, just finish mixing the batter."

"I don't know why we decided to make cake, we suck at this. But also, you like her."

"Of course I like her, we're friends," Kara says, rolling her eyes for effect. "Friends like each other. That's a thing. It's fine."

Alex picks up her wine glass and smiles into it, guess they've officially given up on the cake. "You have other friends and you definitely don't let them tell you what to do. I'm just—"

"Wrong," Kara cuts in. "You're just wrong about this whole thing. Lena and I are best friends, and it's going to stay that way."

Which is a thought that sort of makes her heart sink as soon as she says it.

It's just - Kara doesn't actually _want_ it to stay that way, not really. The thing is, right from the beginning she felt a strong connection with Lena. There was something about her that felt compelling and interesting, and it just sucked Kara right in like a vortex she couldn't escape from. She's loved Lena for a long time now, as her best friend, but recently it's felt like more than that. Kara's started to have feelings for Lena that no longer fall in the _just friends_ category—she's started to love Lena in a way that isn't just platonic. 

And she keeps noticing how attractive Lena is, and she keeps getting distracted by her, and she keeps thinking about her in the middle of the day when she should be focusing on other things. And, most importantly, she keeps finding it harder and harder to manage her job and their friendship whenever Lena is involved with a case.

So Alex is right, she's undeniably right, but it'll be a cold day in hell before she admits that to her. Which is perfectly fine, since it'll probably be a cold day in hell before her and Lena end up together.

Superhero or not, Kara's out of her league with this one. 

She picks up the spoon from the batter and licks it, always good at eating away her feelings. "Either way, the lessons will be good for intel."

"Stop that," Alex says, grabbing the spoon from her hand and shoving it back in the bowl. "There're raw eggs in that, you can't eat it."

"Superhuman, remember?" Kara waves her hand for emphasis and Alex sighs heavily.

"Superhuman during a solar-flare, remember? You can actually die you idiot."

Right, she forgot how vulnerable she is without her powers.

* 

Which is exactly how she feels when she meets up with Lena for their first driving lesson (even though she has her powers back, even though she's wearing her favorite light blue-polkadot shirt and gray slacks, even though she's hung out with Lena a hundred times and this should be no big deal).

It's just - being in a car, they're pretty much close close close, and Kara's opposed to doing most things that'll potentially make her look like an idiot in front of Lena. It's not like she's always striving to impress her, but she'd at least like to remain some degree of desirable.

So her hands are jittery two seconds into them being in the lot, and all they're doing is sitting in the car without it started. Thank Rao for the steering wheel and the stability it offers.

"Wearing make-up?" Lena asks and Kara shakes her head as she pulls it back in that dumb way that makes it look like she has a thousand chins. "Oh, because your eye is completely healed."

Oh. "I iced it," Kara says quickly. "My family has really great, um, healing genes. We just heal right up, always have."

"Oh, sure. Okay." Lena smiles at her, warm and affectionate (maybe not affectionate, maybe that's wishful thinking). "Let's get started, then. I picked a big lot that we'll be alone in. Just need to get you warmed up since it's your first time."

"Yeah, sounds good." Kara doesn't have a dirty mind, she's not a teenage boy. But something about Lena warming her up makes her swallow hard. "Always wanted to learn, you know?"

"Yeah, it'll be fun," Lena smiles. "You'll get the hang of it in no time."

Right. It's just a car, and it's just Lena. Kara can do this. At least that's what she tells herself, and then she twists the key in the ignition and presses the gas pedal, and the car makes a terrible, awful sound that makes her freeze up. This is supposed to be the easy part, and somehow it went sideways. Maybe she can't do this.

Kara feels a little bashful right now, won't even let herself look in Lena's direction. Not being able to drive is one thing, but not being able to get the car started up and moving makes her pretty dumb. Or, at least that's how she feels.

Lena just laughs it off and shakes her head, though. "It's alright, I'll walk you through it. The left-most pedal is the clutch. You need to put your left foot there and your right foot on the brake — that's the largest pedal. Once you've done that, release the emergency brake and then start the car."

Left foot clutch, right foot brake. Okay, seems easy enough. Kara gets her feet in place, and then — crap. What's the emergency brake. "Um, I don't—

"Right here," Lena says, grabbing her hand to guide it there. Then she guides it to the gear shift after Kara starts the car. "Now shift it left and up so it's in first gear. After that, you want to take your foot off the clutch as you put your other on the gas."

Alright, first gear. Foot off the clutch, other on the gas. The instructions seem simple, there's only like three steps, except when Kara does it (correctly, she does it just like Lena said) the car lurches forward and she can't figure out where she messed up.

"Sorry, thought I had it right," she says, shrinking into her seat praying she might just disappear into it altogether. Alex does this all the time and she makes it seem so simple, why is it the hardest thing in the world. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"Just take your time. It takes practice." Lena says, patient as anything, and then she blinks her very pretty lashes and adds, "You got this."

Right, Kara's got this. She fights aliens and jumps head-first through portals that shoot her off into space. She can master driving a car, can't be that hard if so many people can do it.

In fact, she _can_ do it, she proves a few minutes later. Things start to go relatively smoothly from there. She gets through gear-shifting just fine after she gets the first bit down, and she even adjusts to being in the car with Lena, isn't awkward and nervous, and doesn't say anything dumb the entire time or accidentally offend Lena with DEO questions. She has a really great and productive ten minutes of driving, and then Lena gets them into fifth gear and decides the lesson should switch to them learning how to slow down. 

Kara's first instinct is to hit the brakes, but Lena says, "We're going to shift back down into neutral, I'll walk you through it."

And it seems easy when Lena says it, but Kara knows it isn't that simple. Slowing down is even worse than speeding up. Speeding up isn't dangerous. Not being able to slow down is dangerous. And now Kara's tensing up again, which is dumb because she's freaking Supergirl and she's being defeated by a simple car.

Somehow, despite the fact that minutes ago Kara didn't even know how to start the car, Lena still looks lovely and beautiful and _calm —_ remarkably calm, even though they're going 45 miles per hour in an empty lot and Kara can't even remember what the third pedal is called to ask if she needs to use it.

"Right foot off the brake, left foot on the clutch," Lena says, like she's read her mind. Then, instead of just telling Kara how to shift, she places her hand firmly over Kara's to help guide the gearshift down to fourth. Kara's heart skips a beat so suddenly that she nearly crushes the entire shifter through the center of the car.

Lena's touched her a million times before, but for some reason she's getting butterflies; Kara's entire stomach is fluttering while she's at the wheel of a fast-moving death-trap and it's not a great combination at all.

No one told her learning to drive would be this challenging. 

*

"What intel did you get from your driving lesson?"

Kara shrugs. She didn't even know Hank knew about that. "I suck at it?"

"I mean from Lena," he says, leaning against the center console. They're at the DEO, and they still don't have any concrete leads on the warehouse robbery. "Do you think she's in on the drug thing."

" _Oh_ , no, I don't think. She's not, probably."

Hank looks at her straight-faced, in that unimpressed way that he's mastered. "You didn't get any intel."

"Okay, but in my defense, driving is really hard," she explains.

Alex _laughs_. "And so is sitting next to the woman you're in love with."

"That's not a thing," Kara whispers, and then says louder since everyone is staring. "That's not a thing, we're just friends. And I kind of wanted to focus on driving, since I had a human's life in my hands. That's what we do right? Protect humans from aliens."

"No, we do our job," Hank says. "Figure out your feelings, so we can get a lead on this. I don't want anybody getting hurt."

Kara doesn't have to figure out her feelings; she can get a lead on this if she wants.

Which is why she drops by Lena's office as Supergirl later that day.

Lena's alone, so she swoops in and gets right to business. "We need to talk about the break-in the other day at one of your warehouses."

"I assume you talked to Kara," Lena says, looking up from her laptop. "I already told her we were housing banned chemicals, but I had nothing to do with the break-in."

"Yes, she told me," Supergirl says, both hands on her hips. "But... we've got nothing, and there hasn't been any activity since the robbery. Can you give us something else? If you're not in on this, you have to want to catch these guys too."

Lena presses her lips together and tilts her head. Then she sighs in a way that's oddly apprehensive, and Supergirl hates that her mind is questioning the woman that she loves... er, likes. "Let's drop by the site. I can analyze some of the damage left, see if we can get a good idea of what we're working with. Or who."

"We already ran it all through the DEO database, and there isn't a lot there."

"Yeah, but I might have access to some knowledge that... even secret federal agencies don't know about."

Oh. Supergirl clears her throat and then takes in a deep breath. How's she going to explain this to the DEO without Lena looking suspicious again. Why can't Lena just do normal science. "Wouldn't you want to keep that hidden? Why are you telling me, this doesn't exactly build trust."

Lena stands from her desk, and then puts her hands on it as she leans forward. "I'm telling you because I _want_ to build trust. I'm not the bad girl here, even though you seem hellbent and making me out to be."

"That's not what I'm doing," Supergirl says, defensively.

"Then how come you point a finger at me every chance you get? I never get the benefit of the doubt, despite saving the day. A few times."

"That's confirmation bias," Supergirl says. Crap, she sounds like Snapper. "I mean, you just assume people think you're bad because you're a Luther. When in reality, you've just been involved in some sketchy things."

"You want my help or not? I don't have to offer it." She can tell she's backing Lena into a corner, and it's not good for anyone when Lena's defensive. "Or did you just come here to criticize me?"

"No, sorry. I want your help. I just... let me fly us there?"

Lena doesn't say yes right away and that kind of... hits Supergirl right in the heart. She likes Lena, she does, loves her even. But this job is just messing everything up. Like it always does. She can't do everything at once. 

She knows Lena is good, can tell from the way Lena treats Kara. She knows Lena's heart is there, but every step she takes forward as Kara, she just messes over as Supergirl. It's never going to work. She's never going to get Lena to like her if Lena hates half of her. 

Which shouldn't even be the focus here. Supergirl shouldn't even be thinking about that. It's always this way — she's either good at her job or good with Lena, never both.

"Seriously, let me take us. I want to trust you, I really do."

"Sure," Lena says. "I guess, in the name of trust, I want you to know that I have three other warehouses where I'm storing chemicals. And those are all bigger than the one that was hit."

"Okay," Supergirl says, letting herself settle down since it seems Lena's opening up. "You think they might be hit next?"

"Not sure, but it's possible."

*

"Lena said the base of the weaponry they used is state-of-the-art military stuff, but it's modified a bit with alien parts. Like, seems as if we're not working with amateurs here. And they're definitely being funded by someone with resources and money."

Hank hums. "That might suggest government involvement. If it does, we need to figure out how high up it goes."

"But why would the government ban chemicals that it wants," Alex asks. "It seems counterproductive."

"Not if the chemicals are hard to find, and their only means of getting them is from private corporations like L-Corp." Hank moves around the center console and runs a hand over his head. "Forcing them to move the chemicals off-site is perfect for making them disappear."

Supergirl nods. "Yeah, and Lena says she has three additional warehouses, each with a larger number of chemicals, so we probably know what they'll target next."

"Right," Hank agrees. "Right now the play is to set up drones over each warehouse, see if we can catch some illegal activity. For now, keep an eye on Lena. Something tells me she knows even more than she's giving us."

Which is rude, Supergirl thinks. But she knows better than to argue that she thinks Lena is being cooperative, knows they'll just tell her to get her feelings in check again and act as if she has a soft spot for Lena. She sacrifices her relationship with Lena almost every week for DEO purposes, but it doesn't seem to matter.

Maybe Lena's right, maybe they aren't treating her fairly.

*

Kara gets the perfect idea to make it up to Lena. While the drones are monitoring the warehouses, she takes the afternoon off from the DEO to ask Lena on a lunch date. She hates that she's been making Lena feel like crap this whole week (and for many weeks before—because being Supergirl sometimes means being an asshole to her best friend), so the least she can do is treat her to lunch and maybe make her laugh. Brighten up her day. 

Maybe she's shit with Lena as Supergirl, but she's always been pretty good with Lena as Kara.

"Lunch, _please_. It's on me," Kara says, smiling in the most charming way she knows how. Which is probably not that charming at all, but she's trying. 

"Don't be ridiculous," Lena says. She shuts her laptop and actually stands from her desk, her smile lighting up the room and Kara's heart. "It's on me. Besides, I feel like I owe you since I've been so rude to Supergirl. I know you two are close."

"You're not rude at all. I mean, she doesn't think you are. I think she gets the position you're in."

Lena takes in a deep breath and bites down on her lip, never breaking eye contact. It's ridiculous how attractive she is. It's ridiculous that Kara's just now starting to pick up on how into Lena she is. It's ridiculous that Kara will never have a chance. "I sure hope so. I'm really trying to work with her on this one."

Kara hooks her fingers in her belt-loops and leans back on her heels. "Well just let me know if she's giving you a hard time, and I'll beat her up for you. You're the nicest person I know."

"Is that so?" Lena's laugh spills out of her, warm and open, and Kara's heart swells to three times its size like she's the grinch on Christmas day. Lena's so beautiful, so gorgeous, so amazing. Kara's definitely not in love at all. "Please don't pick any fights. I've seen you with a black-eye and I'd like it if it didn't happen again."

"That was just an accident," Kara says, folding her arms and pulling at her lip as she smiles. She wishes it could always be this way with Lena, that they never had to discuss break-ins and alien corroboration and illegal activity. Just them hanging out and being happy together. "Promise you don't have to worry about me getting anymore black eyes, alright?"

Lena ducks her head, looks up at Kara through her lashes in that cute way that she does. "You better not break that promise."

Lunch goes nicely.

They end up getting Tacos at a new fancy Mexican restaurant, and Kara decides to show off her Googling skills. "So I looked it up, and not all cars are that hard to drive. Some you just put in drive and go."

"Yes," Lena says, smile gushing out of her _guiltily_. "But it takes like ten minutes to figure out how to drive an automatic, and I thought... I just thought maybe we could use this to hang out."

Kara loves hanging out, especially with Lena. It's the putting her in danger that she hates. But if Lena's into it, she's into it. "No, I think it's cool that I'm learning manual. Feels like I'm in some sort of elite club or something."

"Oh no, don't become one of those," Lena gasps, eyes wide with amusement. "Don't know if we can stay friends."

Kara laughs like she's in on the joke, but she isn't. "One of what?"

"Nothing," Lena laughs, and then she puts her elbows on the table and leans her face into her hands. "So, how's your article going on the warehouse break-ins? Dig up any good intel?"

"You'd be the first to know if I did," Kara says, shoving an entire small Taco in her mouth and effectively making a mess of herself. "These guys are good, like went ghost. Disappeared."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure they'll turn up," Lena shrugs. "Bad guys always do."

*

Bad guys _do_ always show up, Kara thinks. So, it's weird that these guys haven't shown back up yet.

At her next driving lesson she gets good enough at the lot that Lena switches to letting her drive slowly down neighborhood streets. After half an hour of that she gets pretty comfortable with the vehicle, comfortable enough to ask Lena questions that could help the DEO investigation.

"So, you said you had additional warehouses, but they haven't been hit yet. Do you think there's a reason?"

"Yeah," Lena says. Which, okay. She's way more forthcoming with Kara than she is with Supergirl. "I was afraid something like this would happen when I moved the chemicals, so I only made one move public, and the other three warehouses only I know about. I think there _is_ someone selling me out, just not sure who yet."

Okay, that's maybe a little huge. This entire time the DEO has been monitoring sites that no one knows about. Lena maybe could have spared them the resources, but Kara will play nice.

"Did you tell Supergirl no one knows about them?"

"No," Lena says, and gestures for Kara to make a right turn. "Because once I do, her first idea is going to be to make it known. To set a trap. I told you, I need to prove that I can keep the chemicals secure in my proposal."

"Yeah, but with potential government involvement, is it really that important to please the DEA."

"I need to do everything above the table, Kara. I'm not like my brother. Or my mother."

Right, Kara knows that. It's a fair point. "Yeah, that's... I know that, Lena, okay? But maybe making the warehouses known isn't such a bad idea. These guys can't be up to anything good, and it'd be nice to catch them."

"So you're siding with Supergirl? I should just give everything up every time someone targets me, make no scientific advances? Don't fight back or protect myself?"

"That's not what I meant," Kara says. She wants Lena to protect herself, but she also wants to help the DEO and catch bad guys and make sure people don't get hurt. "It's not about sides, I just want the best outcome."

Lena gestures for her to turn left, and then puts her head in her hand. "Why's the best outcome for everyone else always bad for me? I don't want to seem like I'm complaining, but—"

"No it's fine," Kara cuts in. "You're taking hits. I get it. I know things haven't been the best for you and, historically, you've been extremely accommodating. I know that adds up."

"Yeah, sorry. I know you get that, but Supergirl doesn't. She's so set on her version of doing the right thing, that she'll step on anyone. I mean, I know she has good intentions, but sometimes she doesn't think about other people."

"Hey," Kara says, looking over at Lena and then back at the road quickly. "You're important. You're amazing, and you matter. I know that, and I think she knows that too. I promise."

"I'm so sorry, Kara," Lena whispers. "I hate getting between you and your friend. I love you, you know that, and I don't want to put you in hard spots. But one thing I value about us is how open and honest we are with each other."

Right, honest—the one thing Kara hasn't been, and the main reason her relationship with Lena is precarious at best if she can't keep her secret to herself. Part of her wishes she could tell Lena, just get it out there so she can stop living so cautiously around her, so she can stop having to find ways to sneak off whenever Lena needs protection. Part of her brain keeps telling her it's best if she just comes out, but the bigger part—the right part—knows that Lena wouldn't be happy about it.

Which is probably why it's best to just change the subject.

"Hey, it's getting a little dark, maybe it's time we head in?"

Lena doesn't respond right away, stays focused on the road ahead of them. Kara's quick to start formulating some sort of apology for earlier, but then Lena finally says, "Turn right at the next stop sign. We need to get on the main road."

"Alrighty. What for?" Kara asks, already signaling so she can make the turn. If Lena thinks she's ready for the main road, then she trusts her. "You want to do night driving?"

"We're being followed, but I didn't want to panic you," Lena responds, so simply Kara nearly doesn't register what she said, and then.

Oh.

Okay, crap. Okay.

It didn't really work, since Kara is absolutely panicking now—even more so now that she actually notices the black SUV behind them—but she reminds herself she's always been calm under pressure, always plays it cool. She always figures something out, keeps her head on her shoulders. Honestly, her first instinct is to fly them out of here, get them to safety as soon as possible. But maybe there's a better way, one that doesn't involve her losing her friend. "What do we do? Walk me through it."

"Just stay calm," Lena says, slipping her hand over Kara's on the gearshift. "Keep heading this way, I can get us to somewhere safe close by. You just have to drive, and you're good at that. So it'll be okay."

Right, yeah. Driving. She's better at flying, but Lena makes it seem so simple. So Kara keeps on the road like Lena suggested.

"Who do you think it is? Why are they following us?"

"This is an L-Corp car," Lena says. "Probably tracked me here. Most likely same guys from the warehouse."

That's not good, Kara barely escaped those guys when she was Supergirl, and now she's just Kara and she's trapped in a car. She feels a bit helpless all of a sudden, but they're sticking to this road and Lena said the safe place is close. Kara just needs to get them there, and then she can slip off and come back as Supergirl to get rid of these guys.

"Alright, what next then?" she asks as they reach a mandatory turn section, hand gripped tight enough around the steering-wheel that she's starting to crush it.

"We're going to have to go left down this street, but it's pretty dark and wooded, so, this isn't the place where we want them to catch up to us. We have to go faster."

Kara can go faster. She goes fast all the time when she's flying. Shouldn't be too much different in a car. She switches gears and picks up speed, and then the heat gets sucked out of her body and the car and the atmosphere in general, when the SUV behind them also picks up speed.

Even more speed than she is.

They make it half-way down the road and it starts to look an awful lot like the SUV intends to crash into them, but Kara doesn't let herself believe it until the SUV bumper smacks into the tail of their car and Lena knocks her head hard against the glass window.

And then Kara snaps out of whatever delusion she must have been in to think it was safe to handle this situation in a car that she's only spent a couple hours figuring out how to use. She should definitely be flying them to safety right now, the better alternative.

Kara goes to reach for her seatbelt, and then the tire of their car clips something, just as the SUV smashes into them again. And suddenly everything is in slow-motion as they're flying through the air. It takes half a second for Kara to realize Lena's half of the car is flying full speed into the side of a tree. It takes another half a second for her to be out of her seat belt and curled around Lena. 

The car hits the tree and Kara squeezes Lena too tight, knows she does from the way Lena grunts. And then her heart skips thirty-seven beats just thinking about the fact that Lena's hurt. This is what she didn't want. She never wanted this to happen, never wanted Lena to get hurt. She should have flown Lena out of this situation the moment the SUV showed up, because her secret—and even their friendship—was never more important than Lena's life.

This is bad, really bad.

Lena's shaking so _so_ hard and breathing way too fast, and everything's too close, too dark, too crushed for Kara to assess her condition. So she's flying through the roof of the car and toward Lena's apartment before she can think too hard about the fact that Lena knows she's Supergirl now. That Lena's going to hate her forever and they'll probably lose their friendship. That she messed up and risked Lena's life just so she could selfishly keep her around.

She's flying faster than she's ever flown before, keeps picking up speed, so it's only a minute before she's flying through the door of the terrace of Lena's apartment.

Kara sets Lena on the floor as soon as she's safely inside, starts assessing the extent of her injuries. Thankfully, Lena looks fine for the most part. She's scratched up a bit, cuts on her eyebrow, but X-ray vision shows she's not bleeding internally, or suffering from anything too serious or traumatic. Worst thing she has going on are her ribs, which are definitely bruised, and possibly fractured.

But the most important part is that she looks fine, everything looks fine—except for the fact that she's not moving. Other than her breathing, she's completely motionless.

It hits Kara, then. Now that the adrenaline is wearing off and her blood's pumping slower, it occurs to her that she doesn't exactly know what to say in this situation because she hadn't planned on coming out to Lena any time soon. Reality is setting in now, it's setting in fast and hitting her like a kryptonite bullet to the back.

They were just attacked and she doesn't know what these criminals want or who they are and she solar-flared a few days ago (which tells her she's obviously in over her head) and Lena's definitely involved with something dangerous. But none of that matters right now, none of that is at the forefront of her mind—because Lena's looking at Kara like she can't fathom this is even happening to her.

Of all the terrible things going on in her life right now, this is absolutely the worst.

"You died, I was so sure of it," Lena whispers suddenly, like she's saying it to no one in particular. She climbs off the floor, grimacing as she clutches her ribs, and then she walks over so she's standing directly in front of Kara. Kara swallows hard past the lump in her throat, and tries to think of the best thing to say that will do the least damage to their friendship. But she comes up with nothing, absolutely nothing. "You wrapped around me and the car hit the tree so hard and it's—you're—"

"I'm Supergirl," Kara says, with her currently very limited mental and vocal functioning.

Lena shakes her head, like those aren't the words she was looking for. "You're _alive_."

Then she scrunches up her nose and tilts her head, and maybe it was shock or disbelief, but Kara can clearly see the moment that Lena processes this all and realization sets in on her features.

This is it, Kara thinks. This is when it gets really bad.

And then in the most surprising turn of events, Lena hugs her — hugs her tight, and shoves her face in Kara's hair. And it's only then that Kara lets herself breathe for the first time since they entered the apartment.

She's Supergirl. Lena knows she's Supergirl, and she's hugging her. Kara wasn't prepared to come out (not right now, not like this), and she doesn't know what to say, but if they're hugging things have to be going good. Right?

She hopes it's going good, heart is beating so fast, she's afraid to hug back. Afraid she might hurt Lena.

"I'm sorry," Kara says, and her voice breaks in a way that she hates. She doesn't want it to break, she wants to be strong. "I'm sorry. I'm an idiot, I should've done this differently, I just—"

Kara hunches her shoulders so high, she accidentally knocks Lena's head away. Which was a mistake, because Lena pulls away entirely, and she looks upset — really _really_ upset. Looks likes she's feeling a thousand things at once right now, and Kara just hopes one of those things is forgiving.

"I'm just... I feel happy that you're alive right now, don't get me wrong, but—" Lena clenches her jaw, and suddenly her features are cold and her face is impossible to read. "I'm also so... _angry_ that you've been lying to me this whole time. And I don't know what to do with both of those feelings clashing inside of me."

"I'm sorry," Kara says, and she steps forward, but neither her brain or her mouth can produce anything else. So, she just repeats, "I'm sorry."

She's watching her world crumble in front of her, and every cell in her body is tensing up. She's never run out of words before, but right now she's got nothing. The only thing she knows is that she messed up, and all she can say is sorry. This should have been different.

"I didn't want you to find out this way, Lena. I'm so... sorry. Crap, I don't know what else to say." Kara adjusts her glasses, and then she just takes them off entirely. "I messed up, but you—this—means so much to me, and I didn't want you to hate me."

This isn't going how she wants it to go, she can feel it. She's not saying any of the things she needs to say. She's not doing this right, and she's going to lose Lena forever because she can't get it together. She just wants to get it together. She wants to be smart enough to know what to do, she wants her heart to be calm, she wants her mouth to say something remotely okay.

She keeps looking and looking and searching for the right words to say, hoping they come out right when she tries to say them. She's sort of praying for a break-through, over and over and over on repeat— _p_ _lease say something good please say something good please don't mess this up please._ And then her neurons must short-circuit or something, because she opens her mouth and actually says,"I'm in love with you. I know that I—I don't—I don't know."

This isn't going well. Those aren't the right words. Those are the wrong words, very very wrong words.

Lena stops breathing for like, five whole seconds.

Crap.

"I mean, I hope that—even if you walk away right now, I want you to know that I love you. If that's okay."

Lena's expression doesn't change, remarkably, despite Kara making an ass of herself. But she folds her arms after a minute, and then unfolds them, looks around the room, before she looks back at Kara. Her eyes are intense, feel hotter than heat vision burning into Kara's skin. Kara isn't really sure what she's looking for, so she tries to hold contact and not get too twitchy.

Finally, Lena nods slowly and says, "Yeah, sure — I. That's okay," and then she's hugging Kara again.

Kara messed this up, she knows she did. Lena's hugging her but it's not the same, and she can feel that all the way down to her bones. She's not sure if their friendship can even survive something like this, let alone the possibility of them ever having something more. She should have come out sooner, probably, should have trusted Lena. Lena's always trusted Kara.

She really, really messed this up, but she's not going to mess this case up. Someone tried to hurt Lena and she's going to find them. This isn't going to happen again.


	2. faster than a hairpin trigger

*

Kara's fixing her shirt when the stun grenade crashes through the window and makes a bad situation even worse.

She flies both her and Lena out of the apartment, of course, but not fast enough for them to avoid the effects. She can't see or hear and she feels nauseous and lost, so lost that she keeps flying higher and higher just to avoid hitting anything. She's so confused and disoriented that it takes her way too long to realize that she's probably flying too high for Lena to breathe properly.

And— _ugh_ —Kara really never uses profanity, but this whole thing fucking sucks.

She drops down lower, to a point where she _hopes_ Lena is comfortable, and then she just coasts forward for a few minutes while she waits for her ears to stop ringing. Being in the sky at least gives her time to think, like, _really_ think for the first time since they crashed into the tree and she crushed Lena's ribs and came out as Supergirl. Which, remarkably, all happened like ten minutes ago.

Her entire life legitimately got flipped on its head in ten minutes and she still doesn't even know _who_ the bad guys are or what exactly they're up to other than making her life a living hell.

It's really, truly starting to feel a lot like she's fighting a war that she can't win.

But now she's in the air, finally flying again like she should have been this whole time, and things are getting clear enough for her to realize how incredibly stupid it was to just blurt that she loves Lena. Tonight was not the time or the place and she's an asshole for even saying it when Lena's already conflicted about everything.

Kara wants to check in on her, but she still can barely hear anything over the sound of her ears ringing and the air swooshing by them. It's probably a decent guess that Lena can't hear anything either. So Kara just keeps flying for what feels like a small forever—until she can feel her ears again and orient herself with everything below her. Once she's low enough to see buildings, she realizes she's not flying slow at all. She's flying fast, very very fast. Fast enough to make her feel nauseous all over again (which is weird, because flying fast is her _thing_ ).

Her head's too messed up to think much of it, though. 

After another small forever passes, she ends up landing them down outside a room in the back of a motel lot. She doesn't know where they are or even what state they're in (because she doesn't have her phone to conveniently tell her where the heck she is), but she's sort of happy to be back on the ground. 

And then she takes two steps before she passes out.

*

Kara wakes up groggy and disoriented. Her head is throbbing for no explicable reason, and her entire body aches like someone punched her a thousand times everywhere. 

"What the heck," she says out loud as she sits up and massages her forehead, back cracking like she's twenty-four going on ninety-four. 

"You've been out for fifteen hours." Kara has to adjust her eyes before she can see Lena sitting at the small table in the corner of the room. "I was starting to think you weren't going to wake up."

"Sorry, I don't normally pass out like that." Kara's voice is scratchier than sandpaper, what is go _ing on_.

"You over-exerted yourself flying us here," Lena says, like it's the obvious, straightforward explanation for all of this. "Try not to strain too hard."

Right, straining too hard is the last thing on Kara's mind while she feels as garbage as she does. But Lena's explanation for this doesn't make sense. Sure, Kara was flying pretty fast, but she flies all the time and never has issues. Which is something Lena's already considered probably, if she's had fifteen hours to think. So why now, why today, why all of sudden does Kara lose her powers just from flying.

"You flew us from California to Tennessee in twenty minutes," Lena says, calm as anything, and then follows it up with, "There was a powder in the grenade that reversed your photonucleic effect, so I'm guessing the flying depleted whatever solar energy you still had stored in your cells."

Kara gasps so hard she nearly chokes. She can roll with the best punches, but this is just a perfect storm of _crappiness_ that she cannot fathom. They're in Tennessee, she can't fly, and for some reason the enemy now has the ability to reverse her powers just by shooting out some dust in her direction. She hasn't woken up to news this great since her pod landed on earth and she realized she'd been asleep for twenty-four years.

Alex was right, it wasn't the drugs that were the problem, it was whatever Lena was up to with her research—she must have been involved somehow, if she knew about a powder that Kara didn't even notice and she was the one infected by it. "Guess I'm not the only one that was keeping major secrets."

Lena stands up from the table and twists her hands together like she's unsure of herself. And it's starting to seem like maybe her tone wasn't calm this whole time, maybe it was shock or guilt or a combination of the two. "You're right, but I think maybe we both should have a chance to explain ourselves."

Kara's just starting to get her head wrapped around this thing, and something about that proposal feels off to her. She's been lying about being Supergirl, which is awful, but she never kept it from Lena to hurt her. She kept it from her because she was walking the line of figuring out which identities she wants to keep and what life she wants to live. She kept it from her so she wouldn't lose her. Her decision to keep her second identity secret was a personal one that she's been struggling with for a while now, not something she did with ill-will.

And the fact that she loves Lena—that shouldn't have to be explained at all, because she meant that and her actions have demonstrated that and she doesn't regret that.

 _This_ , whatever Lena is involved with is different. Her research was obviously meant to hurt Supergirl or develop something unethical and it's a bit shitty that she's lumping her secret in the same boat as Kara's. As if Kara's identity crisis is just as bad as her murderous intentions. 

Kara's not very interested in hearing any explanations. "Maybe later, right now we need to figure out how to get back to National City."

Lena sighs for a long while and focuses all of her attention down on her hands. "We can't contact anyone or risk ending up on a flight manifest. They're probably still trying to locate us, finish the job. I got us a car. We'll have to drive."

"From Tennessee to California?" Kara asks, incredulous. "That seems a little long."

"It'll take a few days, but we don't have any other options."

*

The car Lena got them is actually pretty decent for such short notice, sort of spacious and has a hatchback instead of a regular trunk.

Kara opens it up and finds MREs, water, and a blanket covering three guns. There's apparently a lot that can be done in Tennessee in fifteen hours; and Kara's just sort of grateful that she has Lena there to think it all through for her. If it were just her, she probably would have called Alex by now and gotten herself killed. But she's not going to admit that, not when she's mad at Lena, not when Lena's up to doing unethical science-y bullshit for the millionth time.

Coincidences happen, but it's starting to look suspicious that every time Lena takes on a big new project, Kara—or Supergirl, rather—nearly dies. Lena's really taking on a lot of Luthor traits, for someone who says she wants to distance herself from the Luthor reputation.

"I was thinking you could drive," Lena says, "and I could navigate us. Didn't know how good you were with a physical map."

Kara's quite crappy with physical maps, but she's not in the mood for admitting faults to Lena. Her next creation will probably involve Supergirl needing to use a map to survive. "Sure, I'll drive. Just lead the way."

Lena's got the trip mapped out for four days, which involves Kara driving eight hours a day, and them sleeping in the nearest motel afterwards or just winging it on the side of the road in the car. It's a lot more time than Kara wants to spend with Lena right now, but the faster she does this, the faster she gets back to Alex and the DEO.

Except things don't move fast at all. Cars go a fraction of the speed Kara can go while flying, so the whole thing feels like it's in slow motion. The first hour of driving is made even worse by the fact that Kara sucks at it, keeps sputtering the car, keeps shifting awkwardly. The radio doesn't work so there's just silence and Lena's very loud unspoken apprehension about helping, since it's clear she doesn't know where she stands with Kara right now.

And, shit, Kara feels like the weakest person in the world for breaking this early, but if they're going to do this thirty-two hour drive they need to talk.

"So explain it to me then," she says, "because I'm having a very hard time understanding how all of your research ends up nearly killing me."

Lena perks up like she's been waiting for this moment, waiting to explain her dumb research and dumb desire to murder her best friend's secret identity. Her eyes actually light up, just barely, and it's dumb but Kara gets distracted by how cute she looks and her cute lips and— _jeez_ , Lena's trying to kill her. She needs to remember that.

"This whole thing has to do with the new chemicals on the DEA ban list." Obviously, Kara thinks, but she doesn't say it out loud because she is _not_ going to be petty. "I used the portal technology to mine them from a different planet because of their properties."

"Their Supergirl- _killing_ properties," Kara points out, because it's hard not being petty.

Lena sits up straighter and clears her throat. "Yes, they can do that, but that wasn't the point of my research. I was more focused on their _cancer_ killing properties. I had nothing to do with the modification targeted at you. The entirety of my documented work only focuses on how to use them to cure cancer."

"Oh." That seems like super important, super relevant research and a lot less unethical than figuring out how to kill Kryptonians. Kara loosens up a bit. "So how'd it go from curing cancer to killing aliens?"

"It was never supposed to go there." There's relief in Lena's voice, obvious she's happy to have a chance to clear her name. "I pitched the cure to a federal research team. The cure targeted mutations on a cellular level and it was good at it. And then there was one guy with one theory that if the cure worked the way I said it did, it could also be used to alter other cellular processes."

Kara’s heart sinks, since it’s starting to look like she gave Lena crap for something that genuinely wasn’t her fault. "So is that where everything went downhill?"

"Yes." Lena takes in a long breath and lets it out loudly. "I refused to explore that avenue and a week later the DEA banned the key components of my cure. I knew it was related, so I pretended to route the chemicals to that warehouse, when I really sent them somewhere else."

"The ones the DEO drones are monitoring?"

"No those are actually a cover. I'm keeping them hidden in a bunker in the mountains. That's where I'm taking us so I can reverse what they did to you and you can help stop this thing."

Kara hums to herself, trying to take this whole thing in. "So the story with the secret warehouses and the DEA application and someone selling you out—"

"It was a lie, because I wanted to keep you out of it. After I saw the destruction at the decoy warehouse, I knew dangerous people were involved..." Lena pauses, mouth half open like she's suddenly coming to an important conclusion. "You showed up in my office with a black-eye after that. They must have been too much for you to handle as well."

"Um," Kara mumbles, clearing her throat unnecessarily. "I was just caught off guard by their weapons, but nothing I can't handle a second time around."

"Sure," Lena says, and presses her lips together. "Anyway, I was trying to do good for this world, like I always am."

Right, yeah. All Lena did was cure cancer and then her research got hijacked for evil. There's no reason to be mad at that. They can go back to Kara being the bad guy. “Sounds like I owe you an apology for assuming the worst, then."

"It _is_ my research that led to this all," Lena shrugs, "But I just want to make the world a better place. That's always my goal."

"Yeah, I know that, and—" Kara wants to say something really sappy like _you are making the world better by just being here_ but she figures it's now or never that she addresses her own elephant that she brought to the room. "Um. I know maybe you feel a little guilty for me losing my powers, but it's okay if you're still angry that I lied to you."

"I _was_ angry with you," Lena says, and Kara intensely focuses her attention on the road to keep from panicking. She has to deal with it at some point. "I was really, really angry. Even more angry when you passed out and I had to break into a motel room all on my own and drag your lifeless body into bed."

"To be fair, I saved us," Kara adds. She did one good thing—she wants that to be known.

"I know, but I was really... upset," Lena hesitates. "I thought of all the things I wanted to say to you, but you wouldn't wake up. So, I started figuring out what I needed to do, things I needed for the trip back, and so much time passed without you even moving. Which was very alarming. And I just. I got so scared that I might lose you, that you wouldn't come back somehow."

"Well I’m here now," Kara says, jumping in quickly, so they can end this discussion on a mildly positive note. "So what's the plan for defeating these guys?"

"I haven't really thought that one through." Which isn't what Kara wants to hear. She's terrible at thinking things through, so Lena really _needs_ to do it. "They probably realized that the chemicals I stored in that warehouse weren't the ones they were looking for. They have some materials, but not enough for what they have planned, I'm guessing. The car chase makes sense—they wanted me out of the way so they can get their hands on my supply."

"I guess I did that for them."

"No, you saved my life," Lena says, and Kara tries her best to not smile at that. Lena's saying nice things about her and not mean ones. Maybe their friendship still has a chance, maybe she's not definitely losing her best friend. "I don't know what the play is, but we have four days to think about it."

Right, that's plenty of time. Between them and the DEO back home, surely working hard on the investigation, Kara's confident they'll get everything sorted out.

They spend the rest of the drive mostly in silence, but it feels a little less tense, Kara thinks. When it starts to get dark, Kara pulls off to the side of the road and they sit in the hatchback with the trunk open trying to figure out the flameless heaters in the MREs. 

Which end up tasting terrible anyway, heated or not. 

"Once we get to more populated areas, we can probably do motels and diners," Lena assures her. "It's just best to avoid big cities right now."

"I know," Kara says, because she _knows_. But if they were driving through cities, they could be eating pot-stickers right now and watching bad hotel television. As it is, they're lucky if they don't get eaten by coyotes tonight. Maybe she's just grumpy because she's tired and drove forever today. "Fine, fine. But I don't like sleeping out here without my powers. And I don't like MREs."

Lena says, "I know," and then they close the trunk and cuddle up against each other for warmth, right next to the guns. Kara also hates the guns, but she feels a little better about it because she's close to Lena.

And then something cold and uncomfortable settles in the pit of Kara's stomach as she realizes that Lena suggested _maybe_ she's fine with Kara being Supergirl (verdict still out on that one), but she never addressed the whole thing where Kara confessed her love or ever indicated that she feels the same way.

Which is fine—if Lena just wants to be friends or doesn't want anything to do with her, that's fine—but Kara doesn't _know_ what Lena wants.

She can sense they're maybe getting over some sort of hurdle (since she conveniently passed out for fifteen hours), but then there's the other hurdle of figuring out where they stand exactly. Her cards are out on the table, but since Lena hasn't confirmed or denied mutual feelings, it's hard to be sure.

*

The next part of the drive gets them into Arkansas, where Lena agrees to let them stop at a diner. Which has nothing to do with Kara going on a miniature hunger strike during the drive and sighing as loud as possible every time her stomach growled.

She's antsy in the pawnshop as Lena sells her ring for food and room money, though, and then Lena has to restrain her from ordering half the menu once they get in the diner.

They don't have pot-stickers, sadly, but they do have all-you-can-eat pancakes.

"So is that powder, or whatever, that took my powers away poisoning me?"

"No," Lena says, carefully eating her omelet as Kara shoves pancakes in her mouth. "It's just designed to reverse how your cells soak up energy from our sun. It effectively makes you human, but it doesn't harm you."

"Being human _is_ harmful. I feel so fragile."

Lena shrugs. "Well, I don't feel very fragile. I like to think of myself as capable and strong."

Which would almost be something comforting to say, if Kara didn't remember very vividly how easy it was to bruise Lena's ribs.

She's trying to get Lena's trust back, though, so she doesn't point that out. "Yeah, I mean you are strong—a lot stronger than me even in many ways. But I mean physically. I feel so useless when I can't just jump into battle."

"Maybe just jumping into battle is the reason things are always going bad for you."

 _Maybe blindly making scientific advances without thinking about implications or repercussions is the reason we're in this position,_ Kara nearly says out loud, but she catches herself before she does, and then gives her mind a proper scolding for trying to mess over her friendship and the trust she's trying hard to rebuild.

"I know," she says instead, like a calm, civilized person. "I've been trying to work on that. Besides, now I know you hate seeing me hurt, so I have more motivation to be careful."

She's aiming to get Lena to admit she still likes Kara. But Lena doesn't respond.

"Um." Kara clears her throat awkwardly. "You think there's any room in our budget for new clothes, I'm getting a bit gross."

"Should be," Lena says, suddenly responsive now that the subject has changed. That's definitely a hint, Kara should take it. "Can see if we can locate a thrift store, something cheap."

They end up finding a small thrift store after thirty minutes of searching, and Kara manages to get a button down cool enough to make her look like she's auditioning for the role of homeless grandma in a play. Lena just opts for an old t-shirt and ripped jeans and somehow still manages to look like the most attractive person in the galaxy.

Once they're done, Kara suggests they try searching for pot-stickers, because she somehow lost her powers but not her appetite. And she's only a little sad when Lena shuts the idea down and reminds her they're actually on a very serious mission. But, after four whole minutes of frowning, Lena buys Kara an ice-cream cone from a small shop on the corner before they get to their car, and Kara feels whole again.

She knows they're on a mission, knows it's important and wants her powers back, but she also knows that the DEO is on the case. She knows they're doing everything they can and will probably crack the case before Lena and Kara even make it back to National City.

Normally that wouldn't be a comfort to Kara. Normally, she'd be itching to jump back into the fight, driving through the night without resting because it'd be her only goal.

But... ever since their car crashed and she wrapped herself around Lena, she hasn't thought of anything else. She's always trying to figure out what's important to her—her job, her powers, her normal identity, her love life—and she's found it. With Lena she's found what really matters to her, and that's enough for her to let someone else fight this battle.

"I do hate seeing you get hurt," Lena says, once they've reached the car and Kara's just standing in front of her licking her cone like an idiot. She can't place what Lena's feeling right now, so she can only hope this is going somewhere good. "And as far as Supergirl—I think part of me always knew, but I didn't want it to be _you_ that was lying to me."

Oh. There it is. That's the one she's not prepared for.

Kara lowers her cone so she can finally face reality. "I can't take back that I lied," she starts with, and tries to say it in the least defensive way she knows how. There's nothing to defend, she messed up. "And I can't think of a good explanation that explains it all away or makes it better that I did. But I do love you. I meant it when I said that."

It's not really the best argument, but if Kara needs a good argument for this situation, then this whole thing with Lena was never meant to work anyway.

"I love you too," Lena says. "And that's what scares me. I love you so much I let myself not see who you really were. I love you so much that, even though you lied to me for so long, I still only care about your safety. I still get scared thinking about losing you." 

"I'm sorry I did that to you," Kara tries, because all she has left is her honesty and her open heart. "I wish I had something to tell you, but I can't explain to you why I did it, because I can't explain to myself why I did it. But I'm sorry."

"That's bullshit. You had so many chances to tell me and you never did. You just made me look like an idiot for trusting you."

"If I could go back," Kara whispers, "I'd take the chance. I swear, I'd do it all differently."

"Would you?" Lena shakes her head in disbelief. "You wouldn't."

"I would," Kara repeats, dumbly. 

"You knew what I valued in our friendship. You knew that, and you betrayed me. It's like you _wanted_ to hurt me all along," Lena says, with sheer hurt in her voice.

Kara says, with utter certainty, "You know that's not true."

Lena's quiet for a very long, very agonizingly tense moment. Her face is entirely unreadable, but her eyes are searching Kara's like she's sure that's where she'll find all the right answers. Kara's pretty sure she doesn't have them, so she just waits, and then waits even longer when Lena still doesn't speak.

Finally, Lena steps forward and leans in like she'll kiss Kara, but at the last second she turns and presses her forehead to Kara's shoulder. "I know, you're— I believe you. But, I swear, if you ever lie to me again—"

"I won't."

"Yeah, but if you do."

Kara drops her ice cream cone and wraps her arms around Lena. "I won't."

They don't speak much for the rest of the drive that day but, thirty minutes into it, Lena pulls Kara's hand into her lap and just holds it there until they're pulling in to the motel lot that night. Lena gets them a room with one bed as Kara checks the perimeter for potential threats.

"So, how's this going to work out?" Lena asks once they're settled in bed, and Kara's arms are wrapped around her. "Do you want to—were you actually wanting—"

"To date you?" Kara finishes. "I think the answer is pretty obvious."

"But what if we mess it up?"

"I don't think we will," Kara starts with, "but if we do, we'll handle it. That's just how it goes."

Lena shifts back so she's pressed snug against Kara's stomach. "Yes, but I don't want to ever lose you."

"I told you that you'll never lose me. I meant it then, and I still mean it now."

"Are you going to lie?"

Kara shakes her head, "No. I promise."

It's been a pretty weird few days for her, or past couple weeks, actually. She came out to her best friend, admitted she's in love with her, took part in a real live car chase, lost her powers and then _lost_ her _powers_ , found out Lena's actually in love with her too, and learned how to drive a car, like, an actual car. This moment makes it all worth it, though, without a doubt. Being able to cuddle Lena and know that everything between them is okay.

Now that everything is secure with her, Kara feels more motivated than ever to get back to National City and put an end to these assholes that caused all this shit and tried to hijack her girlfriend's research. _Girlfriend._

"Wait, Lena, if we're dating—are we, like, girlfriends?" she asks.

But Lena doesn't respond, because she's asleep.

Kara wakes up alone the next morning, and has a small heart-attack before she hears the water running in the shower. Lena likes her, is her first real thought. And then her second thought is maybe she doesn't. Kara snaps up quickly and goes over everything that happened yesterday four times in her head, checking and re-checking to make sure she didn't misinterpret that Lena actually wants to date her.

She's still not convinced after ten minutes of checking all the facts, so she's awkwardly standing in the middle of the room when Lena comes out of the bathroom.

Lena quirks an eyebrow, like she's confused, and then Kara asks, "Are we girlfriends?" and Lena snorts out a laugh.

"Do you want to be?"

"I—uh—I, um." Kara nods vigorously, because _what are words._

"It's settled then," Lena says, smiling, face more beautiful than an off-world sunset. "I guess we're girlfriends."

"And you're okay? That I'm Supergirl? It's not like a turn-off is it?"

"Why would dating a superhero be a turn off?"

Kara shrugs, there're so many reasons, she thinks. There has to be. None of her other relationships have ever worked, and it's probably not because she's a reporter. "Long hours, late nights, people always shooting at me."

Lena sighs, gives Kara half a smile as she shakes her head. "Sounds just like being a CEO."

"That's not normal," Kara says, alarmed, "You wouldn't have those problems if you just did regular science, like vitamin C titrations."

Lena's laugh fills up the whole entire room with warm energy and positive vibes. "That's not science, that's third grade chemistry. Besides, vitamin C isn't going to change the world."

Kara gasps loudly, partially just to be dramatic, but mostly just to make Lena laugh again, since it's absolutely her favorite sound. "A bit critical, aren't we? I'm sure she has feelings."

It works. Lena's finally laughing again, and Kara has to duck her head to hide how relieved she feels. After nearly four days of absolute hell, she's finally got her _Lena_ back, and they're finally happy and _having fun_ together.

"Kara, you're just so—" Lena stops mid-sentence, eyes sparkling and mouth hanging open like she can't think of a single thing that _Kara is just so_. Finally, she says, "You're so great. And I just. I thought so many times that I was going to lose you, and—"

"And look at us now," Kara says loudly, so Lena doesn't get choked up. Or so she doesn't get choked up. _Whichever_. "We're like Thelma and Louise -- on the run from the law, having the best road-trip of our lives."

Lena rolls her eyes. "Didn't Thelma and Louise end badly?"

"No," Kara says, clapping her hands together and positively beaming. "It ended mid-air, the freest they'd ever been."

"Whatever," Lena says, laughing again, like Kara's the world's greatest comedian (and Kara knows from past experience that when people like you they laugh at your jokes even when they're not funny. So Lena probably, definitely, maybe, actually likes Kara). She walks over and knocks into Kara's shoulder. "I guess, if it came to it, I'd go over the cliff with you."

Which gives Kara all the confidence she needs to know that this is going to work. That confidence even translates into her driving. She pulls expertly out of the motel parking spot, throwing her arm across Lena's headrest and looking over her shoulder as she reverses. She even manages to shift it into first gear on her first try (not accidentally into second) and smoothly pull away. 

Lena notices too, eyes glittering with her smile as she congratulates Kara on finally mastering a manual car.

"Yeah but once I get my flight back, don't ever expect to find me in one of these again."

"Oh, I know," Lena says, eyes burning into Kara's profile, "Having you is even better than having a private jet."

"Which you also have," Kara points out, just because of the sheer ridiculousness of someone actually owning a personal jet. "Now, you're just spoiled."

"I can't help if Supergirl's in love with me and willing to do me personal favors." Lena shakes out her hair dramatically, and Kara risks them crashing just so she can look over and see her _smile._ She'll do any personal favor that Lena wants. "It's her own decision."

"Yeah, but it's _you_. She never really had a chance."

Kara's head is filled with so much sappy stuff, that it's hard to contain it. It's hard to contain all her feelings for Lena, and she just wants to be near her and talking with her and loving her and touching her. 

But she's still careful.

When Lena purposely gets whipped cream from her milkshake stuck to her top lip in the diner on the boarder of Texas, Kara doesn't lean in and kiss her like she wants to. When Lena's laughing at the worst joke ever and she turns and presses her nose to Kara's cheek, Kara doesn't turn so their lips touch.

She wants to go slow so she doesn't scare Lena. She doesn't want to hurt her again, doesn't want to mess up. She's content just enjoying Lena's company and reveling in the fact that Lena likes her and _preening_ whenever Lena compliments her.

They spend most of the drive happily chatting about nothing, playing would you rather and I Spy, singing at the top of their lungs because they can be their own radio. By the time night comes and they reach the next motel, Kara's heart is seven times its normal size. She knows at least one other person shares the sentiment—Lena's smiling bigger and brighter than Kara's ever seen her do before. And maybe, just maybe, Kara's the reason for all of that.

*

Or, maybe, it's the fact that this motel shares the same lot as a skeezy bar (since Arizona is such a classy place), and Kara and Lena are ecstatic about letting their hair down and having a drink or four. After all, they've been cooped up in a car for three days, doing massive amounts of soul-searching, and praying everything would somehow turn out okay. They could use a positive outlet.

So they go to the bar—and then three drinks in Lena jumps on stage for karaoke, singing 9 to 5 by Dolly, and Kara realizes that this was the best decision she's ever made as all her feelings for Lena are being intensified.

It's like she forgets for a moment that people want to hurt them, and that she doesn't have her powers, and that she might not be able to get them back because this enemy is always two steps ahead. She forgets all of that and just gets caught up in Lena—gets caught up in her full lips, and her hair and eyes and infectious laugh and smile and her cheek bones sharp enough to slice a salad. Watching Lena makes her feel warmer than the Tequila, and as long as Lena's safe, Kara knows she'll be happy.

She loves Lena, and if she has her, then maybe that could be enough. Even without her powers.

They drink until _late_ late, so late that Kara's definitely going to have a hangover in the morning, and Lena's definitely slurring her words, and the bartender has to kindly tell them, "Maybe you should head home little ladies," even though they're obviously the life of the bar.

When they get back to the room Kara sprints through the door—bundle of drunk energy that she is—and flops on her back on the bed, lifting her shirt so she can run her hands over her abs as she hums delightfully to herself. Lena's leaned against the doorway with the door still open, cool summer breeze blowing through her hair, bright green eyes lighting up the night. She looks so very stunning, and Kara absolutely does not miss the way Lena bites down on her lower lip as she _stares_ at Kara's exposed stomach.

And, like, to hell with being careful, Kara thinks. It may just be her drunk brain speaking, but if she had to choose between devouring Lena or devouring post-stickers right now, she'd choose Lena in a heartbeat and never eat anything else ever again. 

Careful has never been her style anyway. She should've been bold from the start.

Kara looks up and aims for seductive, but falls somewhere between slightly curious and obviously hopeful when she asks, "Wanna touch?"

Lena's response is to not speak or move for the longest possible time, and if Kara weren't drunk she'd maybe be very embarrassed. But since she _is_ drunk, she just sits up instead, crosses her legs on the bed and stares at Lena like it's a challenge.

 _That's_ what gets Lena to shut the door.

Kara's obviously seductive invitation is what gets Lena to climb into her lap.

Lena's so close now, close enough that Kara feels her breath when she breathes, that Kara's covered completely in Lena's warmth. Their chests are pressed together and their hips are aligned, and Kara's hands are shaking so fiercely from both nerves and excitement, that she might just spontaneously combust in the middle-of-nowhere Arizona.

But she can't do that, because then she'd miss the way Lena slowly moves in to kiss her. She'd miss putting her hands on Lena's hips, because she _can_. Because she can and she won't hurt her. She'd miss the way Lena's soft, soft lips fit against hers and the way Lena's hips shift when she presses more into the kiss. 

Kara's body is tingling from her head to her toes, skin lighting up wherever Lena touches her. Lena gets a hand in her hair and _tugs_ , kisses her deeply when Kara gasps, licks into her mouth and explores every inch of her lips. Kara figures if they've introduced hair pulling, then it's safe to unbutton Lena's jeans, slip her hand around Lena's back and slide it in her pants so she's cupping her ass. Lena welcomes it, shifts back so her ass is perfectly cupped in Kara's palm. It's so soft, Lena's _so_ soft and warm and eager and inviting, smells amazing—sweaty and more familiar than anything else.

Kara's head starts spinning from the drinks and the kissing and the _being wrapped up in Lena._ She has to drop her head, just so she can have a moment to clear it, and then Lena's neck is just... right there in front of her.

She's never actually given a hickey before, always been impossible with how strong she is, not very sexy to rip someone's neck off while making-out. But, what _is_ very sexy is the way Lena's breath catches when Kara get her mouth on her pulse, how she shifts her hips against Kara harder, faster. Like she's frustrated that she just can't get enough. When Kara's finished, she lifts up to kiss Lena again, but this time things are more frantic, messier. Lena's putting everything into it and taking whatever Kara gives her.

Which is hot, in and of itself, until it gets frustrating because Kara wants to be doing _more_. Kissing Lena is amazing, but there're so many other things they can be doing.

It takes another minute or five for Kara to have the strength to separate. But when they finally pull apart, Lena's lips are cherry red and swollen and very, very kissed. Kara feels oddly proud of it, can't help smiling as she admires her work. And then Lena smiles back and Kara blushes so furiously, that she has to duck her head and hide in Lena's breasts. Which is a nice place to be, but she had other priorities. Right. Kara takes in a deep breath before she lifts Lena to put her on her back on the bed.

By the time Kara's comfortably settled between Lena's legs, her heart's racing a mile a minute, but she somehow still manages to be coordinated enough to shove Lena's shirt up to her armpits.

And then she has to pause because for the first time she's actually _seeing_ Lena's bruised ribs. She doesn't like it. She doesn't like it at all. "Do they hurt? Are they bothering you?"

Lena doesn't say anything, but she swallows hard and shakes her head slowly, glassy eyes trained on Kara like she's waiting for instructions, or—um. Kara doesn't know what to do with that, sort of goes into a miniature panic and decides to keep focusing on the bruising.

"Gonna make it better with my freezy-breath," she says, leaning down and blowing against Lena's stomach. She only succeeds in giving her a raspberry, but it makes Lena giggle so beautifully that Kara gets lost in the sound, the warm feeling that it gives her. She gets so lost in it (and in being drunk in general) that she doesn't realize she's mindlessly trailing messy, wet kisses down Lena's stomach until Lena _moans_.

Kara freezes instantly, something in the back of her mind registering that _she_ did that. She made Lena make that sound. Everything feels hot all of sudden, from the summer night air in their cheap motel room, to the blood rushing through her own cheeks. She just want's to hear Lena moan again, and again and again.

She's decided it's her favorite sound yet. 


	3. how do you fall in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, so **smut warning**
> 
> thanks for reading (8

*

Kara props herself up above Lena, heart thumping hard enough that she swears she can hear it even without her super ears. She still feels hazy from the drinks, relaxed and happy and numb in a pleasant way. But she's looking down at Lena—with her plump lips and big green eyes—and it's making her feel all sorts of other things, like hot and desperate and _possessive_. It's only been a day, but Lena's _hers_ , andKara wants to kiss every inch of her body to make it known.

She can see the bruise she sucked on to Lena's neck, bright red and lingering, and it's making her heart flutter. It's her mark, she put that there, and it's probably, definitely the Tequila speaking but she thinks Lena would look beautiful if she was covered in them. Lena would look absolutely stunning naked and spread open and covered in Kara's lovebites.

Crap, Kara didn't even know she was this horny until Lena went and _moaned_ and filled her head with all of these explicit thoughts.

It doesn't help when Lena tangles her hands in Kara's shirt, pulls Kara down as she humps up into her and starts rubbing like she'll actually feel it through her jeans. It affects Kara instantly, heat courses through her so fast that her brain blanks. So she's basically going off feeling now—humps Lena back, grinds down slowly between Lena's legs until even her ears are burning from how turned on she is. Lena's feeling it too, nails digging hard into Kara's sides, breaths coming in in shaky gulps. And it's all a bit ridiculous because they're not even _doing anything_. They're just humping through, like, five layers of clothing and Kara almost feels like it's enough to honestly get her off.

No. _No._ She's not going to do that, she's done sex before. She's not going to come just from dry humping like she's a nerd, even if Lena's easily the hottest person she's ever had underneath her. 

Kara lifts up to take better control of the situation, gets her mouth on Lena's and kisses her hard into the pillow. Lena gets desperate beneath her, no longer grinding in smooth strokes, moving her hips in quick, jerky thrusts instead. Kara's so into the kissing that she doesn't even catch on to what Lena wants until Lena grabs her hand, moves it to the waist of her jeans and says, " _Please_."

Right, clothes. 

Kara lifts up and sits back on her heels so she can tug off Lena's jeans. They're so tight that her underwear comes with them, but Lena doesn't mind, just helps shove them down. And then Kara gets distracted for a moment, getting her own pants off, but when she turns back to Lena her lungs seize up. Lena's naked from the bra down with her legs spread, and she's looking at Kara like it's an invitation.

It's, naturally, the next step in the sex process. But Kara's still—it's _Lena_. They don't even have the lights turned off, so Kara doesn't have to use any sort of imagination; it's all just _right there_. 

This is it. It's happening. Kara rubs her sweaty palms on her thighs, and then she climbs up on side of Lena so she can get a good angle for her wrist. Lena slips her leg between Kara's thighs, so Kara's pinning one leg open and has full access to everything else. And then it starts to feel like someone turned up the heat in the room, like the sun decided it'd come pay a personal visit to Kara.

She's a little nervous, if she's being honest. She's never actually done this, not with a girl, so she spends some time scratching her nails along the inside of Lena's thigh and just kissing her. She knows Lena wants it pretty bad, could tell from the way she was practically begging for it, but Lena's not making a fuss about Kara taking her time. In fact she's kissing Kara sweet and gentle and _reassuring_ , like she can actually sense something's off so she's slowing it down, making things less hectic. _Shit._ Kara's heart clenches because she absolutely does not deserve Lena.

But, regardless of that, Lena absolutely deserves to be fucked.

Kara scratches up Lena's thigh again, but when she drags her fingers back down she keeps going until her hand's between Lena's legs. And _oh wow._ Lena's warm and puffy and so wet that Kara's finger slips right in. Lena moans right into her mouth, breath shaky as she pushes her hips up to get more of Kara inside of her. Kara kisses right into her moans, makes it messy as she gets her tongue in Lena's mouth and sucks hard on her bottom lip.

It doesn't take long for her to find Lena's _spot_ , the one that instantly makes her body tremble and her back arch. Kara pulls her finger out and presses in hard against it, keeps doing that until Lena's back is fully off the bed and she's mumbling incoherently, " _fuckpleaseKarafuck_."

Kara slips in another finger and puts more of her weight on Lena to hold her down to the bed. And then Lena stops trying to kiss back after that, just sucks Kara's lip into her mouth and holds it there. But, after a fews seconds of Kara circling her fingers inside of her, she's too out of it to even do that—lets her mouth hang open instead as she pants hot and wet against Kara's lips. Kara takes advantage of it, licks into Lena's mouth before she bites down on her already bruised bottom lip just barely over the edge of too hard. Which makes Lena snap her eyes shut, and Kara swears she can visibly see her miss a whole entire breath.

It gets pretty obvious when Lena's about to come—she squeezes hard around Kara's fingers and chews down on her lip like it's her job, so hard Kara can see her teeth leaving little imprint marks. A few seconds later, her body tenses up and she grabs at the sheets, grabs at kara and digs her nails in like she's holding on for her life. Kara leans forward so she can kiss her through it, kisses Lena until her body goes soft beneath her and she sinks into the pillow like she's made of water.

Everything is calm in the afterglow, so calm that Kara's just now realizing how fast her heart's pounding. That was good, she thinks. She made Lena come. She's drunk and inexperienced, but she did it.

It takes a moment for Lena to catch her breath, but when she does, she smiles up at Kara. She looks thoroughly fucked, eyes lidded and her hair sweated to her forehead and her cheeks blush red. But she also looks ethereal—like a Venezuelan lightening storm or a Zimbabwean moonbow. Or like, potstickers from that one place in downtown National City, too good to be true, Kara could just sink her teeth into Lena.

 _Oh_. Right.

She _does_ want to sink her teeth into Lena. Kara almost forgot about that, forgot how good it'll make Lena look if she marks her up. But now that the image is back in her head, she's on a mission. She kisses Lena on the lips, soft and quick, and then she slides down between Lena's legs and gets her mouth on her thigh. It's sort of fun leaving marks everywhere. Kara sucks a trail up Lena's left thigh, gets high enough that her cheek's pressed against how wet Lena is as she sucks on the last bruise.

And then it hits her that Lena's quite literally spread open right next to her mouth. She could just lean over and put her mouth on Lena if she wanted to. Now that she's thinking about it, she's decided that she really, really wants to. Maybe it's a little daunting, sure, but Kara's drunk and she already made Lena come once, so there's still a bit of confidence built up inside of her.

That's really all it takes to talk herself into it. Kara pulls her mouth off Lena's thigh with a pop and then she drops her shoulder so she can lift Lena's leg over her back. She's pretty sure Lena doesn't know what's happening, not even when she trails a long line of quick kisses along her right thigh. That is, until Kara's face is directly between her legs and she sucks wet and sloppy right over Lena's clit. Lena's thighs snapping over Kara's ears isn't enough to muffle the loud gasp that comes out of her mouth. "Oh — _God, Kara_ — fuck—"

Kara just keeps going, humming to herself because she's enjoying this. She licks a strip from Lena's hole to her clit and back again, lets her tongue dip inside before pulling out and licking around. Lena's thighs are still clamped around her ears, and it's a little hard to breathe, but somehow that makes the whole thing better. She's sure she could just reach up and spread her legs apart, but then she'd miss the way Lena's thighs are shaking around her head, miss all the sharp breaths, the way Lena's holding her head down as she humps up into her mouth.

She's always known Lena's attractive and sexy and hot, but this is _something_ _else_. It's a whole other thing seeing Lena like this, how open she is, how she just lets go and throws her head back, how she starts mumbling things that don't make any sense like "yes, no, please more yes" completely breathless and destroyed. 

She's squirming now, hips jittery like she's vibrating. Kara's making slow circles with her tongue right over Lena's clit, drunkenly wondering why it somehow feels bigger the more she touches it, lost in the sounds Lena's making and the way she's massaging her hands through Kara's hair. She's sort of caught up in her own little blissful world, is the thing, so when she sucks Lena's clit hard into her mouth she forgets to take a breath. Which is important, because Lena's legs snap tighter around her head and her grip tightens in Kara's hair, body clenching and shaking like she's completely _falling apart._ And then Kara can't breathe at all, stuck with her face shoved between Lena's legs and nowhere to go. But like hell if she's going to wiggle away and not let Lena ride this out.

Which is why she's lightheaded when Lena's done. Her hearts racing and the room is spinning, and she's pretty sure that once her head hits the pillow she falls asleep before Lena does.

*

She wakes up in the morning to Lena on top of her.

Her arms are folded on Kara's chest and her legs are crossed in the air and she's smiling so hard that her eyes are squinty. If Kara gets to wake up to this every single day for the rest of her life, then she's truly achieved greatness. And she's still in her mid-twenties.

"Hi beautiful, rise and shine," Lena says.

Kara smiles, and then bites her lip to keep it from spreading too wide. "Hi hello, you sound like someone that had a good night."

"I can't even fault you for being smug," Lena laughs. "Just wanted to check in. You passed out pretty fast after."

"I'm fine," Kara says. She always wondered if Lena would protect her as hard as she always does if she knew Kara was actually Supergirl. And now she knows that Lena _would_. Like, she's pretty sure Lena would still try to catch a bullet for her even though she knows full-well that Kara's bulletproof. _Just out of love._ "You don't have to worry so much, I'm built Ford tough." 

"Kara, I don't care if you can lift a school bus, I'm always going to protect you."

 _See_. Kara wasn't wrong. Now she really has to worry about her lovely girlfriend stepping in front of trains for her. "Really, Lena. It's fine. I was just drunk and out of breath and I hadn't eaten in like, two and a half hours, so. All is well."

"Fine," Lena concedes, putting her hands on Kara's stomach and lifting herself up. "But you need to tell me if things aren't fine, okay?"

"Yeah, of course," Kara says, getting her hands on Lena's sides so she can pull her down for a kiss. Lena's lips are soft and perfect, makes Kara feel all tingly. "You also don't have to worry about me lying to you anymore. Learned my lesson, scouts honor."

"That's not what I mean," Lena says, lifting herself again, so she can stare seriously into Kara's eyes. "You like to over-exert yourself and pretend you're okay when you're not. I want you to start being honest with yourself. And honest with me, because I love you, and I'm also a scientist. I can probably help you out."

"You can't request a personality change before I've even had breakfast," Kara jokes, and she's not surprised when Lena hits her with the pillow next to them. "I'm just kidding. I hear you, okay? I won't push myself and get hurt. As much."

"Anymore," Lena corrects.

"Hey, you said I had to tell the truth," Kara laughs. Lena laughs to, at that, and then drops down so her nose is pressed to Kara's cheek. Kara wraps her arms around her and runs her fingers over her spine. "I mean it, though. I'll be more careful, promise."

Lena hums like she's content with that response, and then she's silent for a while, running her thumb along Kara's ear, tracing the outline like she's trying to memorize it. Kara slides her hand down lower on Lena's back and finds out, pleasantly, that Lena's still not wearing any underwear. So she does the only decent thing that she _can_ do, cups Lena's ass right into her palm and gives it a squeeze. It's a perfect fit, so it's only right that Kara keeps her hand there. 

Lena's into it, too—kisses her way along Kara's jawline until she gets to her chin, and then she tangles her hand in Kara's hair and pulls her in for a kiss. Kara squeezes her cheek again, and breaks the kiss just so she can say, "Hey, we're in Arizona."

"And why is that important?" Lena asks, nipping at Kara's lip. 

And then Kara _sings_ , " _That Arizona sky, burnin' in your eyes. You look at me and babe, I wanna catch on fire._ " 

It has the best effect, because Lena blushes as red as Kara's House of El crest, and then she shoves her face deep into Kara's neck. "If it's too early for personality changes, then it's too early for singing," Lena says, muffled.

It'd be a good moment to tease Lena, if it weren't interrupted by Kara's stomach growling. "Is it also too early for us to get food?"

"It's a little early," Lena says, pressing in even closer to Kara. "Especially since I have to return a favor first."

"What do you mean?" Kara asks, innocently enough, and then Lena drops her hand to the waistband of Kara's underwear, and. Oh. _Oh._ Return a favor, right. "Oh, okay. Yeah, don't have to, though. It's no problem."

Lena lifts her head and gives her a _look_ , and—yeah. She should probably keep her dumb mouth shut. She's got a half-naked Lena on top of her, so she's been pretty turned on since she got her hand on her ass. Of course she wants to have sex. Maybe even once a day for the rest of their lives.

Thankfully, Lena knows better than anyone when Kara's being stupid. She lifts up so she can get her hand between Kara's legs, and then spreads Kara's thighs apart. She doesn't bother taking off Kara's underwear, just pushes them to the side, and then her warm fingers are the only thing Kara can think about. It's like her mind wipes clean any time Lena touches her. Like it's some sort of hard-reset.

Kara's head gets a little fuzzy pretty early into it (partially because it's Lena, and partially, maybe because she actually really needs to eat), but Lena's being slow about everything, drawing out her touches. She rubs against Kara's clit with the back of her hand, before she gets her thumb on it and circles just the tip. Kara makes the mistake of looking down and actually _seeing_ Lena's hand between her legs and gets a head-rush. And then there're all of the images from last night flooding in, combined with Lena's mouth against her neck—warm and wet right over her pulse. Lena licks a slow strip up Kara's neck, to her jawline, but doesn't bite down, doesn't suck in, doesn't leave a mark.

Every single inch of Kara is aching for more, and Lena just keeps teasing. She keeps Kara suspended like that for so long, that Kara's moan echoes off the walls when Lena finally presses down harder against her. When she drags her thumb down to get it wet and moves it back up, looping wonderful, amazing, consistent circles around Kara's clit. 

Kara feels a little embarrassed by how close she is only minutes in, but then Lena pulls off of her completely, and she opens her eyes in exasperation just in time to see Lena put her head between her legs.

She's still got her underwear on, so Lena's pushing them aside with her nose, not bothering to use her hands. Her tongue's pressed flat against Kara, rubbing down and up and all around, wet and soft and devastating. Kara might be biting down on her knuckle to keep herself from moaning so loud she wakes their neighbors in the other rooms. She doesn't open her eyes, absolutely doesn't open her eyes—got a headrush just from seeing Lena's fingers, would probably faint watching this.

So she misses the moment Lena pulls her hand up to slap Kara's thigh, grabbing it roughly afterwards and spreading her leg wider. It's more loud than it is painful, but Kara's hips jump hard enough that Lena has to snake her other hand under Kara's other thigh and over her stomach to hold her down.

Which makes things more intense, because Kara's got everything built up with nowhere to go. Her hips keep shaking uncontrollably, and she's making sounds that would be incomprehensible even if they weren't muffled around her finger. She makes a miserable little noise when Kara moves her hand and lifts her hip so she can grope Kara's ass over her underwear. Kara wants them off, wants Lena _on_ her, whines because she wants Lena's warm, warm hands grabbing her actual skin.

But Lena keeps going just like that, keeps licking Kara firm and slow until Kara's body tenses up and the sound gets sucked out of the air. Her ears haven't rung this hard since the last time she broke the sound barrier. Kara tries to be considerate as she comes, spreads her legs wider instead of clamping them around Lena's head, which somehow manages to draw out the whole thing.

She's exhausted when she's done, sweaty and happy, with Lena's head resting hot and heavy against the inside of her thigh. And Kara can't help thinking that this is the second best moment of her life, since the first best is reserved for when Lena inevitably does something better.

They shower together afterwards, running out hot water and having to soap up when it's cold, since they spend most of the shower kissing and laughing and not washing off the sex and the sweat and the drinks. When they're getting dressed, Kara catches Lena frowning at her jeans, and then Lena catches Kara staring at her and looks down, almost bashful.

Kara lights up. "What's going on over there?"

"Nothing," Lena _lies_ , "I just think, maybe, my thighs are too sensitive for these jeans. I think I need a change of clothes."

*

So they end up at another thrift store, this one bigger and fancier with a wider selection of button downs. Kara's delighted in shirt heaven when she looks over and sees Lena wince as she clutches her ribs.

And then her heart sinks down to her toes, and then right out of her feet, all the way into the basement of the thrift shop. Because Lena's in pain because Kara hurt her. And Kara's getting her powers back, probably later today or early tomorrow and she's probably just going to hurt Lena all over again. Not on purpose, of course, and maybe not if they're just hugging or cuddling—but what if they have sex again? Kara doesn't really trust having her fingers inside Lena, not when she can barely high-five someone without damaging their hands. She can't put her mouth on Lena's neck. She can't—crap. Now she's getting dark, ugly thoughts about not being the right one for Lena. Right in the middle of her happiness.

Kara walks over closer to Lena, flicks her thumb over the buttons of a flannel, and says the stupid thought that's on her mind. "So, I was thinking, maybe we can just let the DEO handle this, and I can go a little bit longer without my powers."

"What for?" Lena looks up, already very concerned, and Kara hasn't even gotten to her worst suggestion yet. "I thought you'd be itching to have them back. You love helping people."

"I am, and I do, but I don't need them now. And like, maybe when I do get them back..." Kara clears her throat softly and looks down at her hands. "...we can keep the stuff that takes them away around. Since it's not harmful and it just takes them away and we can bring them back. That way we can still be—you know—intimate."

"Kara, we can still have sex when you have your powers."

"Yeah but, like—" Kara lifts her hand and fits it around the side of Lena's neck, runs her thumb across the large bruise right over her pulse. "I like these. I mean, I like being able to give them to you, or kiss you without breaking your nose."

"I know," Lena says, leaning into Kara's hand, like it's instinctual. "But I'm going to get you your powers back. Because they mean a lot to you. And I love you. And you're going to figure out sex with me. Because I mean a lot to you. And you love me." She lifts her hand and puts it over Kara's on her neck. "And because I like these too."

Kara accidentally smiles too big, can feel how dorky she looks. "I _do_ love you."

"I know you do," Lena says, smiling back. "Which is why I also know that you're going to figure it out."

Kara likes that Lena believes in her, and that she's trying to encourage her, but she still has the dark, ugly thought creeping into her head that she won't be able to figure it out. And that she _is_ going to hurt Lena. And that they'll never get this back again. She just... Lena's ribs are still bruised and Kara didn't even try to do that. In fact, when she did it she was _trying_ to protect Lena. So, she's not so sure she can just figure this out simply because she's in love with her. 

And she knows this whole thing isn't just sex, that it's much much _much_ more than that, but sex is still nice. Knowing she's not going to hurt her girlfriend is still nice—and with her powers she's not so sure of that.

" _Kara._ " Lena frowns like she can sense Kara's still thinking about it. "You've saved my life a dozen times in crazy situations, even caught me mid-air, and never put a scratch on me. My car split in half across a tree and I came out with only a few bruised ribs. I think you did just fine, babe." Kara must still look unconvinced, because she adds, "I've seen you suck a popsicle without inhaling it through your throat and open a sugar packet without launching it into space. We will be okay."

Lena's looking at her like she's never been more sure of anything in her life, and that finally gets Kara to calm down. Because, yeah, it's always a little funny when Lena thinks she needs to protect Kara—physically—but when it comes to feelings and emotions... Kara's always looked to Lena to see where her head should be. And if Lena says she can handle it, then she can handle it. 

"Yeah, you're right. I think I'm just panicking because this is, um—" Kara steps closer and links her fingers with Lena's. "It's hard to believe you accept that I'm Supergirl, and even harder to believe you actually like me back. But I'll figure it out. You're right."

"We can talk about it more when everything back home gets sorted out," Lena says, leaning over to kiss the side of Kara's mouth. "But I like that we're just... happy right now. Let's save all the over-thinking for another time."

"Wow, I've never known you to procrastinate anything," Kara jokes, knocking into Lena's shoulder. "Seems like I'm rubbing off on you."

Lena laughs. "That's the goal, right?"

It's easier for Kara to shake the dark, ugly thoughts after that, easy for her to just get lost in being with Lena again. Lena decides on a uni of Arizona sweatshirt and gray joggers, and Kara presses her against the wall and makes-out with her as she's trying to put them on in the dressing room. Which is insanely counterproductive, sets them back half an hour, and guarantees they won't be welcomed back as customers.

But it's worth it.

*

Kara's appetite is particularly large when they get to the diner, except this time Lena doesn't stop her from ordering pancakes _and_ a sandwich, with fruit, potatoes, and bacon as sides. She even orders Kara fries and a milkshake as a bonus. 

After they order, Lena leaves to use the restroom and Kara sneaks a candle on the table. She bought it when Lena wasn't paying attention at the thrift store (while she was browsing sweatpants, Kara was sniffing candles. And she picked out the perfect one, she thinks—came down between Lavender and Cinnamon, but then she spotted a black candle in clear glass, labeled MidSummer's Night.

Which smelled like cool night air and happiness, so Kara sneaked it off to the store clerk before she mauled Lena in the changing room).

She just wants to make this a proper date since they're probably walking into a load of trouble back in National City and won't have any down time for a while. Lena probably has to deal with whatever happens when a CEO disappears for days, and Kara has to clean up the city since it always goes to crap whenever Supergirl is gone for a day. Then they have to sort out their relationship and all the intricacies of that, the public image, who they tell, and everything Kara doesn't want to think about right now. After all, they're _procrastinating the over-thinking_.

The food gets to the table before Lena does, but of course the first thing she notices when she gets back is the candle. "That come with the food?"

Kara grins at her. "No, it came with me. Candles are very romantic, I hear. Perfect for a first date."

"Is that what this is?" Lena asks, then takes a drink of Kara's milkshake. When she puts the glass back down, she runs her cold fingers over the back of Kara's hand, giving her goosebumps. "I could give you a real first date, something fancy."

"I don't _need_ something fancy," Kara says, rolling her eyes. "All I need is you. And food. And I have both of those things right in front of me."

They spend well over an hour enjoying each other's company, Kara turning the waitress down four times before Lena finally makes them get the check. And then they pack up in the car for the drive back.

They spend the last few hours heading towards National City in a comfortable silence, Lena looking out the window like she's thinking hard about something and Kara focusing her energy on getting through the last bit of the drive. It only occurs to Kara once they're finally entering the mountains, that she's not sure what they're going to do next.

Sure there's the general plan around her powers, but she doesn't know how the rest will go. It doesn't help that they haven't been able to check in with National City news in a few days, so they haven't been updated on activity in the city. It feels a bit weird, actually, but they haven't spent a lot of time talking about the dilemma they're in, mostly focused on themselves and what's between them. 

They were worried enough to avoid being tracked and took backroads all the way to California, but they haven't really talked much about what's waiting for them, like what the plan is, or if they'll be safe. 

Kara at least knows it's sort of slipped her mind because she's been a bit preoccupied with Lena. But Lena's the smartest person she knows (and possibly smartest in the world), so she can probably multitask, hopefully she's thought up a good plan to get them out of this. 

Or, at the very least, hopefully she has a general idea of what they need to do.


	4. caught up in your rapture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here's the next chapter - same smut warning. all mistakes are a result of my terrible attention span. thanks to everyone who's followed along!

*

It takes them another twenty minutes of driving to get to the bunker. Which, surprisingly, isn't a bunker at all.

"It's a cabin?" Kara asks, shoving her hands in her pockets and waiting patiently for Lena to fiddle with the security system so they can get in. It's a nice cabin, really, like something straight out of a catalog -- two stories with big windows and expensive looking wood -- but it's not a _bunker_. "Is this another stop? Are you scared they maybe found the bunker?"

Lena shakes her head, pressing numbers into a security pad. "The bunker is here, underground. This is just for security."

That should be more important to Kara, considering _they're here_ , which means she's getting her powers back, but then she gets inside the cabin and thinks maybe she doesn't need her powers after all. Maybe her and Lena can just live a reclusive life holed up here in this perfect space. There's everything they'd ever need - a stocked pantry and quilted blankets and a _fire pit_ (since, holy shit, it's just like Lena to decide she needs a giant indoor flame as an embellishment in her lavish bunker cover-up).

And, most importantly, there's a bathroom the size of Kara's bedroom and a tub the size of Kara's bed. 

Okay, it's not actually that big, but it's big enough to probably be dual classified as a jacuzzi. And big enough that Kara can't think of anything else but being naked with Lena inside of it. So, as Lena messes with some tech stuff, and visits the _actual_ bunker, Kara makes it a point to sniff out every candle in the cabin and eat half a jar of peanut butter in the process of her elaborate bath set-up.

By the time Lena comes back above surface for a DNA sample, Kara's already got the candles lit and the bath half-ran and totally different plans.

"Can't we do all that in the morning?" she reasons. "There's a bath, Lena. _There's a bath_."

"I know there's a bath," Lena says, amusement in her voice. She doesn't seem completely against it - it's a start. "You're welcome to use it, but I've got work to do."

"You're using work to skip our honeymoon phase," Kara pouts, then laughs when she can't keep it up. "No, really. No one even knows we're here. We can afford a little free time after all our hard work getting back."

Lena takes a breath like she's actually considering that, but then she says, "The faster we figure out your powers, the faster we get this over with. Then we'll have plenty of time for a honeymoon phase. And baths. And potstickers, the whole lot of it."

Which is logical, but Kara kind of got fixated on the bath idea. It's not like it takes up that much time--she'll be good. Like twenty minutes max.

"Sure, but wouldn't you work better relaxed?" Kara asks, nibbling her bottom lip afterwards as a completely innocent gesture, but not missing the way Lena's eyes drop to her mouth. Right, she made Lena blush this morning just by _singing a few lines_. Kara's definitely got this. She cants her hip and channels her inner Tyra Banks to sparkle her eyes. "Lower stress levels are good for productivity, and I'm an expert at cuddles and baths. Which probably makes me an expert at bath cuddling, I'd say."

It's not her best argument, but Lena huffs anyway, strained like she just picked a debate on astrophysics with Neil Degrasse Tyson. Wow, Kara's existence is maybe persuasive enough to like, actually get her way. This is an excellent development in their relationship. "Okay," Lena says. "Can't argue with that."

" _Nice_ ," Kara chirps, and grabs Lena's hand and pulls her to the bathroom.

There are a couple stock candles burning in various corners, but Kara made sure to put up Midsummer's Night on the far edge of the tub since it's their _special candle_ , and it's burning down quite nicely while the tub fills up.She also set up the radio to keep them company, but could only get signal for an obscure station, so it's _Que Sera, Sera_ currently playing through the speakers and not Beyoncé or Billie Eilish. But Lena's still humming along.

The plan is working out nicely.

Kara tugs them both inside the glass shower after they're undressed, antsy about getting rinsed off fast because, _naked cuddling_. But once she turns on the water she gets caught up staring for a minute, watching it pour over Lena, flattening her hair and making her close her eyes and tilt her face up. It feels a lot like watching a wood nymph soaking up the water, something definitely magical about the way Lena's making Kara's heart flutter without even doing anything.

Lena turns around after a second, so Kara's facing her profile, and she just looks... way too good for Kara not to touch. So Kara gets under the water and runs her hands over Lena's wet skin, touching her shoulders and her waist and then gently tracing the bruise on her abdomen, until Lena grabs her wrist and says, "It's fine, okay? It's nothing compared to what could have happened."

Kara swallows. Sure, it's true, but she could have been more careful, less reckless, she's a bit ashamed with herself - a thought that she won't bring up this second, because Lena's warm and close and Kara just found out that she's quite possibly dazzled by Kara's mere existence. So, there's no real need to make the mood more depressed than it needs to be. No need to take the focus away from Lena's green eyes and her wet lashes and her fingers dancing on the back of Kara's forearm.

"I'm glad you're okay," she decides. And then, since she's sure she hasn't said it already, she adds, "Sorry I didn't fly us out of there sooner. I'll never make that mistake again, promise."

Before Kara can apologize a million more times, Lena grabs her waist and pulls her into a kiss. Sweet. Soft. Warm. Intoxicating. Kara's hands somehow end up on Lena's ass, and Lena licks into her mouth and sighs, pressing in closer and gripping Kara's waist more firmly when their tongues brush against each other.

Kara gets a little lost in it and _maybe_ squeezes Lena's ass a bit roughly, and then Lena smiles into her mouth and pulls off the kiss. "Guess we're rinsed enough, yeah?"

Kara nods a hundred times, and then she grabs Lena's hand out of the shower, prancing swiftly and carefully towards the tub so the cold doesn't hit them. 

The bath is every bit of perfect -- the tub is even more obnoxiously big from inside of it, and the water is hot hot hot, but not scalding. Kara gets in first, sinking down so the water's nearly at her neck, and then Lena just gets in on top of her, settles between Kara's legs and leans back wet against her chest, closing her eyes and humming along to Diana Ross like she's delighted with everything in the world.

Which is great. Since the ideal for Kara, really, is--okay, for Lena to be happy and relaxed--but also to get Lena in her lap a bit, so she can get her off while kissing her pretty, puffy lips -- because it's very important that she's able to kiss Lena while touching her. So, it's working out perfectly that this is naturally where Lena wanted to settle. 

And it's working out perfectly that Lena seems happy and eager to touch Kara.

The problem is just that, Kara isn't exactly sure how to uh, _get them started._ On account she's proper shit at seduction when she's sober.

So, she goes for making small-talk while she figures it out.

"Have a game plan for the cure?" Kara asks, trailing her fingers up Lena's sides.

Lena shakes her head, eyes closed and wet hair brushing against Kara's chin. "I need to see what's happening with your cells first, but I'll figure it out, promise."

"I trust you will," Kara says offhandedly, dropping her hands to run along Lena's thighs, dragging her fingers toward her hips. "I'll make you waffles in the morning as motivation food."

Lena laughs. "Had a feeling I picked right with you."

Kara knows Lena's just being funny, but for some reason she _preens_ at that. It shouldn't mean anything, it really shouldn't. But she still feels like her heart's in her throat when she says, "Should probably keep me forever, then."

" _Mmm_ ," Lena hums, relaxing more into Kara, warm and heavy. Then she says, "As long as you promise to sing me awake every morning."

Kara's heart clenches, but she tries not to get too weird about it. It's just - that's a little important to her, so it bears a little more meaning than she wants it to when she asks, "D'you like it? When I sing to you?" 

She loves singing, is the thing, has a bit of a secret passion for it. Like, she wouldn't be opposed to doing a Broadway show or something, but that's not where her life's taken her, so she's reserved it mostly for the shower and Karaoke night, never relationships. She sung to Lena today just because she was happy and it flowed out of her, something that rarely ever happens, and now Lena's talking about it _positively_ it seems, and Kara's heart is swelling thinking about it.

Which is probably why her mind starts frenzying when Lena takes more than like, two seconds to respond, and then she gets upset that she's getting upset over something this small.

Which is probably why Kara nearly misses Lena grabbing one of her hands from her hip and slowly dragging it down between her legs.

Apparently, Kara didn't need to execute a plan after all. Lena's got it covered.

"Um," she coughs, once her hand's just resting between Lena's legs with Lena's fingers curled around the backs of hers. She's not sure if she has like, permission to touch, or if she's supposed to just hold it there for the added warmth in the already hot bath. She's probably supposed to touch. Maybe she should just ask.

Than _kfully_ , Lena untangles her fingers and shifts her hips up, so it sort of answers the question without Kara having to make a proper fool of herself. This is good, _she's getting what she wants_. 

"I love your singing," Lena says, nonchalant, completely unaffected. As if Kara's hand isn't, like. _There_. Kara's pretty sure she'd be panting by now if the positions were switched, just at the thought of what was _about_ to happen. "Not used to being serenaded. But it's nice."

Lena spreads her legs a little wider and slightly arches her back against Kara, which is hot as all hell, and leaves Kara's heart jackrabbiting and her mind wondering if she should focus on touching Lena or respond to the conversation, or both. But both seems hard, since she doesn't have wordswhen she's touching Lena, barely has coherent thoughts.

"Don't have to, sorry," Lena mumbles.

Fuck. "Want to, sorry, really want to. Just hard to talk and focus at the same time."

Lena smiles. "Figured you could chew gum and walk."

"Without it being dangerous to the cars around me?" Kara hedges.

Lena laughs, full and lovely. "Who knew? Thought reporters were always multitasking."

"I was born in the sixties, times were different back then."

Lena laughs uproariously at that. Kara moves her hand closer between her legs and just cups it against Lena. She can do both if she tries. "Were you really? You've been - thought you grew up with Alex."

"Took a nap in the Phantom Zone for twenty-four years," Kara says, sliding two fingers between Lena's folds and gently starting broad _slow slow_ circles over her clit. "Didn't age, came here when I was thirteen." 

Lena lets her mouth fall open just slightly, light flush pricking through her cheeks now. She's _not_ as unaffected as she sounds. Another interesting development. "Being sixty is really adding to your attractiveness."

Kara wants to comment on Lena having a thing for older women, but for some reason it doesn't seem appropriate. Instead, she presses against Lena's cilt harder and slips her foot under her leg to spread her even wider. Lena tilts her head back and sucks in a sharp breath through her mouth. "Yeah, but people always say I still move like I'm in my twenties."

"They're probably just being nice so you don't Hulk smash them."

"Oh my Rao," Kara laughs, louder than she wants to. "I do not appreciate that comparison."

Lena pulls her lip under her teeth, but her smile forces it out. "What? You jealous because you wouldn't be the strongest if you were an Avenger?"

Kara rolls her eyes and presses a kiss to the back of Lena's neck, spreading her fingers apart so she can pinch Lena's clit between them, gently pulling for a second. Lena's hips jerk forward, thighs already jittery, and Kara tightens her arm to hold her still. Then she circles her fingers around her clit some more before she slides her hand down and dips a finger inside Lena, nipping at the back of her ear when she gasps. "The Avengers aren't even real, okay?" Kara quips. "Why are you so cheeky today? Something got into you?"

"Oh god, and you're calling _me_ cheeky?" Lena asks, voice getting deeper and lovelier than Kara thought possible. She hitches her hips up, then, and sinks just a little lower so Kara's angle is even better. "'m just happy waitress only charged us for half the meal today."

"Oh really? Which one of us was she flirting with, then?" Kara asks, smiling into Lena's hair.

"How not progressive of you to think she wasn't interested in both," Lena deadpans.

Which breaks Kara's focus completely, and she laughs like her breath is being forced out of her chest. Shit, she wanted to kiss Lena before, but now she _needs_ to kiss her so her heart doesn't explode from how charmed she is by Lena making jokes.

It's just - Lena's so serious all the time, but all it took was a four-day, super stressful road trip, a couple of intense argument-conversations, and a warm bath to finally break through her tough exterior. It's like when Professor Utonium threw all that random crap in the pot and the Powerpuff Girls popped out. Life threw a lot of random shit at them, and Lena came out a cheeky little booger that keeps giggling for no reason.

It's sort of poetic.

Kara presses her finger in _deep deep deep_ and crooks it firm against Lena's spot and rocking it. At this point Lena's cheeks are bright red and her nails are digging into Kara's thigh. "You into that?"

"I'm only into you," Lena says, and it sounds like... not a joke?

And then she opens her eyes and Kara nearly gets taken out by how blown her pupils are. She can feel it deep in her soul, how much she needs to be kissing Lena _now_. So she lifts her free hand up Lena's torso so she can nudge her back, get her more in her lap, but then she gets a bit distracted when her fingers brush over Lena's nipple and Lena's entire body tenses, right down to how hard she's squeezing around Kara's finger.

Crap, there's just so much of Lena that Kara wants. "Can't get enough of you, you know?"

She expects Lena to say something dumb like _I know_ , even though Kara's being completely serious. She doesn't expect Lena to bat her pretty lashes and look small and tiny and soft soft soft when she says, "You can take whatever you need."

Shit, Kara doesn't want to think about what that means, but heat's already curling in her gut because she _knows_ what that means. Which somehow results in a nervous laugh, because that's just how she deals. "This is plenty," she says, grabbing at Lena's breast a bit roughly, running her thumb across her nipple. "Don't need much more. Except, maybe, your lips?"

They need to stop talking. _She needs to stop talking_ , before this goes somewhere she can't keep up.

Lena doesn't need much more direction than that, she lifts up and twists a bit so she's more on Kara's thigh and facing toward her, and then she tangles one of her wet hands in Kara's hair and pulls her in for a kiss. And, fuck, if Kara didn't miss this. Lena's kissing her hungrily, like she'll never get the chance again, like it's all she can do to taste Kara and breathe her in and tug on her hair. She's just so hot hot hot and frantic on top of Kara, irresistible.

From there, it really doesn't take long for Lena to come. But Kara's sort of fascinated with tracking how good Lena feels by what she's doing with her mouth. Like when Kara adds a second finger inside her, and Lena switches between darting her tongue over Kara's lips and just holding her mouth open to pant out thick gushes air. Like when Kara pulls her fingers out and goes back to circling Lena's clit and Lena drops her head and bites her own lip hard hard hard.

Like right when she's coming and she moans and bites Kara's bottom lip into her mouth, puffing wetly over it as she snaps her thighs together and squeezes her eyes shut.

Lena really is quite lovely, Kara thinks. She's not sure what she did to deserve her.

It takes them _forever_ to finally get out of the tub, what with Lena being so sleepy-soft and heavy and happy and lazy against Kara. 

But Kara practically carries her from the tub and finds out, pleasantly, that she's still strong enough to lift Lena - which is the absolute best development of the night so far. They move from the bathroom to the bedroom—with the big, comfy bed Kara's waiting patiently to throw Lena on because she's dangling a hair-tie from her mouth and struggling to put her hair in a bun in the full-length mirror. Lena's wearing a purple t-shirt and black underwear, and Kara's wearing a half-buttoned, too large flannel and a bright smile, because that's really all she has left.

She can't stop thinking about how good life feels now, so happy and content that she practically skips over to Lena when Lena finishes her high bun and turns and asks, "Good enough?"

"Always," Kara chimes, grabbing Lena's hips from behind and hooking her chin over her shoulder so they're both staring in the mirror. "Oh, wow," is what she says as soon as she sees them.

Lena raises an eyebrow. "What is it?"

It's everything, to be honest. It's how tiny Lena is compared to Kara when she doesn't have her heels on, it's how Lena feels so _so_ soft and warm pressed against Kara. It's how Lena fits in her arms quite perfectly, how Kara's chest swells at the sight of her finally _holding the love of her life_.

She never wants to let her out of her arms again, like.

She can actually feel her breath catching. "Nothing, just think the mark on your neck looks a little lonely. Could use a friend." She sprinkles little kisses over Lena's neck to emphasize her point, until Lena's proper _giggling_ , and then she actually sucks in the skin playfully and feels Lena's breath hitch like a hiccup. But Lena leans _into_ it, so Kara goes for it, tries to leave as good a mark as possible, sucking hard and running her teeth over the spot. Then she kisses it gently once she's done, just for good measure.

"Bed," she decides afterwards, somehow breathing less hard than Lena is. "Haven't had you in bed enough."

Lena turns around and flits her hands over Kara's sides, and then she walks them over until Kara's fumbling backwards onto the mattress and Lena's shaking her head at how clumsy she is. She doesn't even wait for Kara to recover, just climbs up to the pillows so she's lying properly on the bed, and then makes a come here motion until Kara climbs on top of her and tangles their legs together.

"You've been thinking about that?" Lena asks, nosing against Kara's hair as Kara rests her face between the junction of her neck and collar bone. "Having me in bed?"

Kara nods, loves cuddling with Lena. "Yeah, I like. Is nice."

"Is this what you were you thinking of doing?" Lena asks, lifting her leg so it slips between Kara's thighs.

"Mmm, yeah," Kara hums. She has everything she wants right here. She only wants to sleep on Lena, nothing else, for the rest of her life. "This is good, just like this," she says, wiggling her hips and accidentally sliding surprisingly wet and warm against Lena's bare skin.

And then she freezes, because.

It was just a playful wiggle, happy, unintentional, but the way Lena grunts and her hands fly to Kara's hips is... a little more serious. Serious enough that heat flushes Kara's cheeks immediately, and then she grinds back hot a slow without even thinking about it, mouth open against Lena's neck as she feels the pressure on her clit.

Shit, _shit_ , she really wasn't trying to do that, but now Lena's pressing Kara's hips down and lifting her leg up higher and the friction is enough to make her head spin. Which already is _a lot_ , considering less than a few seconds ago she was in a resting state, but then Lena goes and asks, "So, you're gonna ride me like this?" while pushing Kara's hips up and pulling them back down.

And heat twists in Kara's gut so strongly she's not sure she's even capable of handling it.

She's pretty sure she blushes fifty shades of red, tries to control-alt-delete that question out of her mind, tries not to think about how close she is to coming just from the way Lena sounded when she asked it. She's slick enough to feel how wet she is even when she pulls away from Lena's thigh for a moment and that is a vital problem, considering her body just went from zero to sixty in three-point-five seconds without her permission.

But she's cool. She's calm. She's collected. She mumbles, "Yeah, like it like this," and then her breath hitches when Lena tenses her thigh under her.

Which has her rethinking every thing she's ever thought about herself. She was never cool. She was never calm. _She was never collected_. She's so far up Lena's ass at this point that all Lena has to do is breathe on her, and she'd fall apart.

It's pretty easy for her to come on a regular day, never been too hard, but with Lena it's different -- she's been grinding against her thigh for barely a minute and her hips are already twitching like she's close. She knows Lena can feel it all, every caught breath, every time she shakes, and. It'd be embarrassing if it weren't for how into it Lena seems to be -- like how she's moving her own hips every so often to match Kara's pace or moaning against Kara's ear whenever Kara bites against her neck. Kara can hear every sound she makes -- little gasps and grunts and sharp breaths -- and, most importantly, when she lets out a moan and whispers, "You feel so good like this."

Kara muffles a whine against Lena's neck, heat pulsing through her and making her impossibly slicker. She wants to say something back, tell Lena if she had her way she'd be wrapped around her for the rest of her life, tell her that she always wants to be touching her, always wants to feel good for her.

But right now the only thing her mouth is capable of doing is breathing raggedly and biting roughly on her swollen, achy bottom lip.

Lena uses her grip on Kara's hips to force her to grind harder, Kara's clit throbbing as it rubs against Lena's thigh, too sensitive already from all the contact. It feels like she's _right there_ , but she -- she needs just a little more, so she pushes back and circles her hips slow, smearing wetness all over Lena's thigh and only getting messier just thinking about Lena's hands on her hips. Every time she thinks of Lena - her voice, her hands, the fact that she's straddling Lena's thigh and Lena thinks she feels good like this, _fuck_ \- her fingers twist harder in Lena's shirt, feels like she needs something to hold on to, like she'd just fall off the earth entirely if she let Lena go.

It's Lena snaking a hand beneath her shirt and resting it against the arch of her back, it's Lena nudging Kara's head up so she can suck Kara's lip into her mouth, it's the fact that Lena's touching her _everywhere_ now, that finally sends her over the edge. Kara comes hard, grinding sporadically against Lena's thigh in quick jerks, snapping her head away and pressing back into Lena's neck, biting a mark that'll probably dwarf the other ones in comparison. 

She comes hard enough that she can feel the lethargy settling in her muscles before she's even finished being jittery yet.

And then when she's _done_ done, she feels... spent. Her back is killing her and her neck, and her shoulders, and she's pretty sure she can hear her joints popping when she lifts up to snuggle beside Lena instead of on top of her. It's like all the days of driving and sleeping in the back of the car and shitty motel beds and everything else is catching up with her, and she's just. Not equipped to handle it without her powers.

She falls asleep before she's even able to tell Lena she loves her.

When Kara wakes up, Lena's not there, but she's under a heavy quilted blanket and the cabin is perfectly heated and she's way too comfortable to be bothered. 

*

When she wakes up again, it's light outside the cabin windows and Lena's sitting cross-legged in front of her, scrolling through a tablet and clenching her jaw.

Kara frowns as soon as she's able to fully blink her eyes open. "Where've you been?"

Lena looks over, green eyes accentuated by the sunlight. "Couldn't sleep, went to work on the cure. Took some DNA samples while you were out, if that's fine."

"Course it is," Kara says, still groggy, but slowly coming awake. "Early bird gets the worm, I guess?"

Lena sighs. "Not this bird."

Which sounds way less promising than Kara thought this conversation would go. "No worm?"

"Not yet, it's harder than I thought." Lena shuts the tablet off and pushes it away from her like it did something offensive. Kara scoots closer and nudges her thigh with her head. "It's going to take me a little bit of time."

"That's fine," Kara comforts. They have time. As much as Lena needs. "How much do you need?"

"A few months, I don't know. It's hard to gauge."

Oh. "Oh."

"Sorry," Lena says quickly, tangling her fingers in Kara's hair. "Your cells are... complex. They're not human, and. I have to get it right. And it's gonna take time."

"Yeah, of course."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"Fuck, this isn't. I really wanted to -" Lena bites her lip into her mouth, tracing slow circles against Kara's scalp with her thumb. "I really wanted this for you, and - I guess, as much as I want to figure it out, I don't want to rush it. This is your body. This is your _life._ I'm not risking it, I'm sorry."

"Hey, no worries," Kara says, sitting up slightly. "As long as I get them back in the end, it's okay. Even if I don't, really. I have you."

"Kara, that's..." Lena says, so hesitant that Kara wants to jump in and comfort her, but the look in Lena's eyes is basically freezing her in place. "Um. There are some things you don't know about this situation, and - don't be mad, please. I don't want you to be mad, and I didn't keep them from you to upset you. But I'm going to tell you everything, I swear. If you want."

"Yeah, I would like - I," Kara stutters. "If you're ready to talk about it. Then, I'd like to know."

"So you know how I told you I presented to a federal research group and didn't like the ideas they had?" Lena starts.

Kara nods, sits up and pulls Lena into her lap so she can wrap her arms around her. Once they're settled with Lena comfortably sitting between her legs, Lena tells her everything.

She tells Kara about searching for links with the Transmatter Portal to see what planets were available to them and what resources she could find. She tells Kara about finding a link on a pretty harmless planet and teaming up with the government for resources to farm the chemicals off its surface. She tells Kara about the infinite uses of the chemicals she found and how she knew some were bad, inevitably, but she went along with the research anyway.

She tells her how it wasn't just her pitching a cure to a team, how they were collaborating and investigating the effects on cells and something about elephants having cancer-killing _LIF6_ pseudogenes that they were all excited about integrating with human DNA until the presentation -- the presentation where a guy from the federal team she'd been working with started talking about all the ways the chemicals could alter cells - ways that sounded a lot like bioweapons targeted at specific alien populations.

It didn't take long for Lena to pull the chemicals out of the L-Corp research facilities and cut ties with the government research group.

Kara just listens carefully - or, at least she tries, sometimes gets caught up in Lena's wide eyes or how carefully she's walking Kara through the story. Mostly gets stuck on the fact that Lena always has a good reason for what she does, like the foundation is always solid and it feels like sometimes it just doesn't pull through. So, Kara spends a lot of time thinking about how they can better explain things to each other.

She doesn't really feel like Lena did anything _wrong_ after she explains it all. "I know it turned out bad, but seems like your government thing had a lot of potential for good," she comforts.

Lena shrugs, nudging Kara's chin with her shoulder. "I know that, I'm not - I know I was in it for the right reasons, and that it could have been something great, and I know it was a good decision to pull out. But I needed to tell you that before you saw it incorrectly somewhere else."

"I want us to be past that," Kara says, moving forward to kiss Lena's ear. "It's so much work not trusting each other."

"No, it's --" Lena cuts off, shuffling forward to grab the tablet. Kara grabs her back into her arms once she gets it, and then Lena pulls up an article. "It's been all over the news."

Kara takes the tablet and scrolls through the article, disbelief consuming her whole body --

_Lena Luthor involved in shocking research - leaked L-Corp research documents - Kryptonian cell-altering compounds - noncompliant with DEA chemical ban_.

Then she sees the worst of it:

_Just days after leaked documents from L-Corp implicated Lena Luthor's involvement in research related to altering Kryptonian cellular processes, it appears that Supergirl has gone missing, and so has Luthor. The spokesman for the DEA made a statement this morning that Luthor was still noncompliant and they have not been able to locate her for several days. It's troubling to think that Luthor may somehow be involved in Supergirl's disappearance, but given her ties to Lex Luthor --_

Shit.

"Shit," Kara gasps, actually throwing her hand over her mouth because that wasn't supposed to come out. "Lena this is - they're trying to flush you out."

"Yeah," Lena says, letting out a breath that's pure relief, like maybe Kara wouldn't get it. Like Kara hasn't spent the past few years being the one that unravels stories like these and the crooks behind them. "Feels like it was all carefully orchestrated, right down to the crash and being prepared for Supergirl. They probably got your DNA when you lost your powers in the first warehouse."

This is -- genius, really, if Kara's being honest. The article has facts, dates and locations and legitimate-looking L-Corp documents on Kryptonian cellular research with Lena's name all over them. It's a very well-planned attack on Lena's character and her company and the chemicals and her intentions, and.

Crap, from what Lena's saying, Supergirl won't even be back for a while to defend Lena's honor, to let the world know that Lena didn't play a part in her disappearance. Sure, they could use J'onn, but he'd have to keep up the charade for months, and he can barely last as Kara the few minutes that's been requested of him before.

This isn't good.

"I - I don't really know what to say, other than the obvious, I guess. We can't let them get the chemicals."

"I know," Lena says. "Shit, I was actually working on the DEA exception request, but then I realized it was probably useless considering the chemicals aren't used for drugs anyway."

The DEA. The media. The car chase. It's all... it's not adding up in Kara's head, seems a bit heavy-handed if all Lena was doing was hiding the chemicals. They could have just kept this whole thing covert and sniffed the chemicals out. Doing _this_ , doesn't makes sense. Doing this draws so much unnecessary attention to what's going on. There's no real reason they'd want to go through these lengths. Not unless --

"Lena, were you gonna go public with your cancer cure to fight the DEA request?"

Lena nods. "It was the only way to prove I wasn't using the chemicals for drugs, and that I had a legitimate reason to continue keeping them. If I went public, it would have made it a political debate -- not a private one where I could get shut out."

Wow, Lena was doing this alone and the other side must have had like, Olivia Pope. Kara's seen things like this before, probably wouldn't even be worth Lena telling her side of the story to the public, the project and government team she was working with probably " _do_ _n't exist_ " and Lena's probably better off keeping her mouth closed about classified information before she actually disappears.

Which makes her seem even more considerate for not opening up to Kara or Supergirl before - and makes Kara feel like even more of an ass. Lena's hands have been tied this whole time, and it probably didn't help that Kara was making her juggle multiple lies and half-truths and a friendship and heavy scrutiny while she was trying to survive.

Lena knows information she's not supposed to know, and has access to chemicals that dangerous people in the government want to have, and it's completely smart of her to not drag in the people she cares about. It's probably what Kara would have done.

"Guess they beat you to that," Kara finally says. "No use in bringing up a cure with the chemicals after you've allegedly used them to kill Supergirl. Sure you can't get my powers back sooner?"

Lena shakes her head. "No, but I know the next best thing we can do."

"What's that?"

"We're getting the chemicals off the planet. I thought about it, and the negatives of these chemicals just aren't worth it. That's thousands of lives endangered if this group gets its hands on them. Plus, this won't end until the chemicals are either gone or they have them."

"But your research?" Kara asks, because that's important. It meant a lot to Lena. "You lose out if you do that."

"There's always another way," Lena says. "Curing cancer isn't worth killing innocent aliens or people. Or unsuspecting superheroes."

"I'll be fine. I'll live."

"I know, I just." Lena scratches at the fabric over her thighs, same joggers as yesterday. "Should be over once we do that. I'll keep some behind just for your powers, and then be done with it."

It's probably their only option, considering the scope of this, but she -- Lena was right the last time they were in National City. She _does_ take quite a few losses, and Kara would like for that to change. 

"Back through the Transmatter Portal, then?" she asks.

Lena nods. "Yeah, then I'll destroy it afterwards, since it's -- that's just what needs to be done. We need to end this for good."

* 

Things start to mobilize since they now have A Solid Plan. Lena finds a way to securely contact Alex, and Alex gives them coordinates of a place to rendezvous for a makeshift DEO headquarters.

Half an hour later they're loaded into a car way cooler than the one they drove here in.

"Sure it's safe?" Kara asks. "Last time we drove in National City, it wasn't safe."

"Last time _you_ drove, and it was just your second time," Lena points out. "We'll be fine. This car is less traceable."

Kara smiles. "Is it weird that I'm sort of like, I'm excited about you driving? I've never -- we've never done this before, not with you behind the wheel. "

Lena stares at her for a long second. "I don't know why I ever doubted anything about you. It's so obvious you're obsessed with me."

"I'm a pretty obvious person, when you think about it," Kara says, and leans over to kiss Lena's shoulder. When Lena doesn't say anything right away after she pulls back, she asks, "Everything okay?"

Lena nods, then shakes her head. "I know we said we'd procrastinate some of the tough stuff, but maybe we - maybe we shouldn't."

Oh.

Kara's heart stutters against her chest and her scary thoughts all rear their heads instantaneously.

To be honest, she's felt this whole time that things were too good to be true. And that, well, she just thought it was a little weird that Lena was happy all of a sudden back in Arkansas, and wanted to be girlfriends, and didn't care she was Supergirl, but she's been so happy herself that the thought barely touched the surface these past twelve hours. She just took Lena's feelings for what they were and rolled with it - really embraced the idea of pushing away all her dark, ugly thoughts. But all of that slaps her in the face right this moment. "You're still pissed that I'm Supergirl and you've just been pretending not to be?"

" _No_ , Kara," Lena snaps, and then her eyes get big big big like she's... it looks like she's getting a bit frantic, facing matching the way Kara feels inside. "That's not what this - I'm not mad over that, okay? When I was yelling at you about being Supergirl, I realized that you didn't even care that I was the one that put you in the car. I -- _fuck_ \-- I put you in a car with me _knowing_ that people were out to get me and I _didn't_ know you were Supergirl, and. Shit, I nearly got you killed. But I bet if I asked, you'd just say you were happy to be there."

"I _am_ happy I was there," Kara says.

Lena says, "I know."

"Lena, I thank Rao every minute of every day that I was in that car with you. Like, I'd voluntarily do every millisecond of that over and over again, powers or not, if it means you make it out alive."

"I _know_ ," Lena emphasizes. "That's why I love you, and don't care that you're Supergirl, and don't mind as much that you lied. I may not be the best with people, but I'm pretty damn positive that you have nothing but the purest intentions when it comes to me, that you always have, and I don't want to mess this up. That's what I'm trying to talk to you about."

"Not messing this up?"

"Yes. I know you're worried I don't want this, or that I'm being disingenuous, but I do and I'm not." Lena takes her hand off the wheel and squeezes Kara's hand on the armrest instead. "I'm mostly worried since I'm bad at holding on to good things. And it's just. It's hard for me to say I need someone because - I think because needing someone means there'll be something missing from me if they're gone. But, I swear those ten seconds I thought you were dead felt like ten years, and it felt like every single good piece of me died with you. So, I guess what I'm saying is I don't know what happens next, but I don't want to mess this up. And I don't want to push you away. Because I need you."

" _Babe_ ," Kara says, voice a little higher than normal, but shit Lena just dropped the holy grail of sap on her. "I'm an immovable object. You couldn't push me away even if you tried."

Lena's eyes flick from wide to confused to... fond. "That didn't all sound really scary to you?"

Kara leans in close. "I think we've learned over the past few years that the one being on this planet more stubborn than you is Supergirl. So it'll take more than your angry eyebrows and emo moods and sappy speeches to push me away."

"I don't have angry eyebrows," Lena whispers, as serious as a heart attack. "I take my eyebrows seriously."

Kara snorts, and then tries to put on her own serious face and fails. "Seriously, though. I love you more than I've ever loved someone that's not family, and I'm not going anywhere. Ever." And since it gets a little too stuffy in the car all of a sudden, she adds, "But I do get sensitive sometimes, so we have to agree that we don't both get worked up on the same days. So, I'll take Monday through Friday and every other weekend. You can have holiday's."

"Stop," Lena laughs, eyes glistening because she's the kind of cutie that cries in a car before a big bad guy fight because _this_ is the time she thought was perfect for a big, big, massive relationship conversation. "Do you know how fast my heart was beating saying all that?"

"Oh, wait, I know this one. It's Rihanna, right?" Kara asks, and then sings, " _And you can see my hearrrt beating, you can see it through my chest_."

Lena swats at her arm, eyes widening. " _Stop,_ " she laughs again. "You're insufferable."

Kara unbuckles her seat belt and climbs into her seat to lean over the armrest so she's practically in Lena's lap. " _I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving. Know that I must pass this test._ "

"I don't know what I'm going to do with you," Lena says, smile bigger than the grinning emoji and tears definitely in her eyes but decidedly not falling. "Pushing you away won't be a problem, will it?" Kara shakes her head. Lena tangles her fingers in her hair. "Alex is gonna see the lovebites on my neck."

"We can just tell her Arizona had lots of mosquitoes."

"That's the worst excuse I've ever heard, she's gonna eat me alive."

"I'm sure it'd be quick," Kara comforts.

"She'll make you watch as she tortures me or something. It won't be quick. I didn't get you back quick enough."

"I don't know who plays Alex in your head, but she's more like PG super hero show villain when she's mad, not Criminal Minds unsub material."

Lena's smile lights up the whole car. "You only say that because she's never given you serious side eye."

Kara rolls her eyes. "Apparently you missed the entirety of our childhood. But I'll give you the CliffNotes -- her parents adopted an alien that didn't know anything about earth, embarrassed her at school, and couldn't get acne."

"Okay, but she wasn't a trained assassin, then," Lena defends, and then starts giggling as Kara tickles her. "You can't tickle me because you're losing the argument."

"Yes, I can, actually," Kara says, leaning in to press three kisses against Lena's neck before she adds, "If you're still not sure what to do with me, we can probably start with more sex. We're good at that," she deadpans.

Lena nods slowly, like she's considering it, choked-off giggles still bubbling out of her. "Yeah, you think so?"

Kara lifts up, biting softly on her lip. "This is my serious face. We should seriously have more sex."

"Nerd," Lena whispers, pulling her in for a kiss, and Kara only lasts a few seconds before she has to pull away, scared she'd get caught up in it.

"So, meeting Alex?" she asks, shuffling back into her seat. "Think we can't afford more distractions."

Then Lena says, "Yeah, now or never," and buckles her seatbelt.

Kara buckles her own and then gets a bit captivated watching Lena seamlessly start the car, and then seamlessly handle the gear shift with one hand and the wheel with another, how she gets them on the road and presses the car to a speed that Kara would never dare to. It's hardly the G-Force of say, Kara flying, but the roads are clear and Lena heads off toward their north, fast enough that Kara feels swallowed into her seat. She'd usually watch the road right now, backseat drive like Lena doesn't have eyes herself, but she's way too distracted by Lena's hands to do much of anything else. Not to mention how sharp her features are when she clenches her jaw like that, and how her big green eyes are narrowed in determination, and like.

Shit.

Kara's heart is pounding in her chest and she can't tell if it's from how turned on she is by Lena driving, or if it's a Pavlovian response to going _fast_ after what feels like years of not having her powers.

It's a rush, is what it is, just what she needed to get in the game.

Kara drives like an anxious teenager or somebody's nan, whereas Lena's gearing up to be the next Danica Patrick and every second of her driving is mesmerizing. Lena truly does not know the extent that Kara really is obsessed with her, but Kara's going to make it her life's mission to make sure she figures it out.

Because it's important for Lena to know and understand that there's not a chance in hell she's going anywhere.


	5. as long as you love me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last chapter! this story took longer than i thought, but thank you thank you thank you to everyone that followed along and gave feedback and read and whatnot <3 <3 <3
> 
> all chapter titles come from various song lines - river by bishop briggs, cold world by macy gray, and ugly by jaira burns.
> 
> fic title from shallow by gaga
> 
> my tumblr: valkyrieskwad if u wanna bother me

*

"I told her you're safe but you don't have your powers. In the message I sent," Lena says. "She just sent back a meet-up, though. So I don't know."

Kara drums her fingers against her lips thoughtfully. "At least she's prepared, then. Like it won't be a big shock once we get in there."

"Or she's prepared the exact way she wants to murder me," Lena says, puffing out air like it's a legitimate possibility. They've been parked for a good five minutes outside the building Alex directed them to, but Lena's still firmly cemented in her seat-belt with one hand on the keys like she's going to start the engine at any moment and just drive them back across the country to avoid Alex.

Which strikes Kara as a little weird since Lena's not afraid of anything, she's sure. Except for _losing Kara_ , maybe, as they discussed earlier.

Shit, that's exactly what this is about.

"Just trying to game-plan what to say," Lena says. "Sorry. If you wanna go in ahead I can be in later."

"No need, I can wait with you." Kara's being as patient as she can to emphasize she's not going anywhere. "I know how scary Alex can be."

"It's not just that, I just -" Lena cuts off, moving her key hand to join the other on the steering wheel. "I don't know, I feel it's different since we're -- sorry, I'm being difficult. We should just go in."

"It's okay to finish those sentences," Kara suggests, leaning a little closer to Lena. "I wanna hear what you have to say."

"It's nothing," Lena sighs. "I just don't know where I -- where _you_ \-- stand when it's me against Alex."

Kara smiles and pulls the collar of her shirt aside, exposing the skin between her neck and shoulder. "Here. It'll make you feel better."

"What?" Lena asks, distracted like she's never seen a shoulder before.

"Give me a mark," Kara clarifies. 

"I think you're missing the point," Lena says. "We can't just lick this away."

Kara's not missing the point, is the thing -- she full-well knows what it is, so she explains, "While I'm a big fan of us licking things away, this is more than that. Like, I just think it'll remind you that I'm yours just as much as you're mine. So, even while Alex is scarfing you down like a T-Rex, you can look over and remember that I'm here for you. Always. Since that's what it's all about, isn't it? I'm not jumping ship, especially if I know Alex is wrong."

Lena taps her fingers against the steering wheel. "Jesus. We disgust me."

"I know," Kara says.

And then Lena whispers, "Fuck," and unbuckles her seat-belt to lean over the armrest and attach her lips to Kara's neck. She sucks _hard_ for like two minutes, and when she pulls back the bruise has bypassed red for deep purple and it still stings even though Lena's mouth isn't there anymore.

It makes Kara feel happy and tingly inside, and.

 _Ugh_. The huge, big big _thing_ is that they are a bit disgusting, but Kara doesn't give two shits about it. Since the moment Lena said she loved Kara too, she's basically been rocking Kara's world like a hurricane. And, while it's only been like a single day, Kara would never go back to her life before dating Lena, even if moving forward means she may never get her powers back.

"Wanna go in now?" Kara whispers, turning so she can kiss Lena's nose. "If nothing else, we're sure to confuse Alex with how obscene your neck looks. We'll have to change our mosquito excuse to _mauled by a wild animal_. Not sure why you thought it was a good idea to give me the keys to your visible skin."

Lena snorts and nips at Kara's jawline. "What are you talking about? I think it looks great."

Kara tries not to blush. "Now or never?"

Lena nods, and then they _finally_ get out of the car. 

*

Seeing Alex for the first time in days catches Kara off guard.

There's half a dozen other DEO agents in the black site, including James and Hank, but Alex is the first person Kara sees when she gets through the door.

She feels choked up, unexpectedly. Like all at once it's catching up to her that she misses her sister, her face and her voice and her hugs and. Basically Kara sprints to her, grunting, "Alex!" as soon as they collide and wraps her in the tightest bear-hug possible. Alex greets her just as excitedly, nuzzling her nose against Kara's ear and letting out a breath so relieved that it breaks Kara's heart.

She smells nice, is Kara's first thought -- warm and inviting and familiar, and Kara sort of can't get enough of her right now. It's like Alex is working some kind of voodoo magic through her hug, making Kara feel young and fragile and in over her head, when just a few seconds ago she was calm and pretty confident that they've got this figured out. And then her brain completely wipes clean when Alex pulls back and stares at her all concerned-like. "Alright?" she asks, because apparently only being in contact with one human for a few days has depleted her social interaction skills.

"Yeah, of course," Alex says, giving Kara a thrice over. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just lost my powers for a - " Kara starts, and then her voice catches seeing Alex's huge huge, expressive eyes and she thinks about the fact that she hasn't had her powers for a while. And she won't have her powers for a while. And who the heck is she, if not Supergirl? And now it's sort of obvious that seeing Alex is a terrible idea for Kara's mental state. She just wants to go back to only thinking about Lena and how happy they are. "I'm not sure if I'm okay. But I'm not dying, and I'm safe."

The space around them feels deathly silent and echoey and _weird_ suddenly, and for a second Kara has enough clarity to consider that maybe she isn't --

Fuck. 

She shakes her head. "I mean, I'm _fine_. Lena's figuring it out. And she's not involved, by the way. We have a solution for all of this."

"What's that on your neck?" Alex says, pulling Kara closer and brushing her finger over the bruise. "D'you get hurt?"

" _No_ ," Kara says indignantly. "I'm a claimed woman now."

Alex snatches her hand away like it's in fire. "Ew, no. Gross. What? I just touched that."

"So did Lena. Because I'm _her_ _s_."

"Okay, weirdo, I get it," Alex says. "Besides, we already know she's not the one trying to kill you. Even if she _was_ semi-involved with potential terrorists."

"Good," Kara smiles, biting against her lip so she doesn't get too ahead of herself with her happiness. It's just -- Alex's first response is sort of promising, isn't exactly the dragon rage they expected, which means Lena and her actually have a fighting chance. "And she thought they were good people."

Alex rolls her eyes. "Usually when Lena thinks of someone as good people, they end up trying to kill you. I can think of at least three examples. You should probably have a relationship talk about that."

"Don't say these things to her, she's sensitive about you," Kara points out. "It's hard juggling both of your feelings." 

“I hate everything about this,” Alex says, waving her hand through the air. “What do you mean she’s sensitive? Is she intimidated by me? Did she say that?”

“Not in so many words,” Kara starts, and then swats at Alex’s shoulder. “Don’t make that face. You’re not going to mess with her.”

“Aw, I didn’t think she had feelings. That’s nice.” 

Kara rolls her eyes and huffs, “Shut it. Why is everyone so weird lately?”

“I don't know. My sister went missing for four days, and I thought maybe she was hurt. But then she showed up with a slight tan and a massive hickey and a new girlfriend, happy and safe and more concerned about people's feelings than dying. So I feel a little happy. Excuse me for that.”

“First off, I feel happy too. I missed you. It feels like it’s been so long,” Kara starts with. “And B, we call them lovebites.” 

“That’s gross, you two are already gross. I’m definitely giving her shit for turning you into whatever this is.”

Kara giggles. "In the words of Tina Turner, the legend -- _You're just a fool, you know you're in love_ -"

"Get out of my face," Alex laughs, and then pulls Kara in for a tight tight hug. "I love you so much, okay? Don't ever disappear again."

Oh. Things feel serious now. Kara hugs back as earnest as she can. "Yeah, sorry about that. Didn't really plan on it, but I needed to get Lena to safety and then couldn't get back fast and still be safe."

"You've been trying to get back this whole time?" Alex asks, curious. "From where? It's been days."

"Yeah, sort of flew us to Tennessee," Kara says. "But it depleted my cells since they reversed my powers, and then we were scared to draw attention to ourselves, in case they wanted to try killing us again."

"Again?"

Right, shit. Alex probably doesn't know about the car crash and saving Lena and the whole shit-storm it was coming out (which, probably, can wait for another time). "Yeah, so it was during my driving lesson," Kara starts, pulling away. "They ambushed us and smashed us off the road. And then I saved Lena's life when we were about to crash into a tree. Which is how she knows I'm Supergirl. They attacked us again at her apartment with the powder that took my powers away. And, then, yeah. Tennessee."

"Christ, shit. Fuck. Kara, you're not hurt are you?"

"No, I'm fine," Kara says quickly, and then her heart drops a little. "But I hurt Lena in the crash, and she has this massive bruise on her abdomen. But she's being nice about it, so can you be nice to her? Please?"

Alex takes in a deep deep breath, but her eyes are soft so Kara knows she's already won. "I don't wanna know why you've seen her abdomen. But, yeah, I'll be nice. Let's go put an end to this."

They find Lena with Hank, next to the set-up of monitors watching aerial footage. Hank greets them both with a polite nod, and Lena greets them both with a straight face. So she's back to being _Lena_ Lena, an odd contrast from the goober she was hours ago. "This is from the drones," Lena explains, once they're close enough.

Kara brushes shoulders with her immediately. She can please the two most important women in her life if she has to, easy. "What drones?"

"The ones I asked you to have the DEO set up. The Transmatter Portal is located at one of the warehouses, hidden with invisi-paneling. I just needed to be sure they weren't trying to get at it, and sending L-Corp drones felt too obvious. Especially since they were able to figure out the location I set for the initial DEA pick-up."

Kara folds her arms. "So L-Corp really does have a mole, then? Or it's at least being monitored?"

Lena shrugs. "Not sure, at this point. But I know we need to work fast to get rid of these chemicals. It'll be a lot better if we fight this battle without the possibility of one side getting bioweapons at the end."

"I agree," Alex says, and Kara smiles - proud of how cordial Alex is being. "Better to ask forgiveness than permission. We can always deal with the DEA later. Besides, I doubt they'd give a shit about us getting rid of chemicals they want to get rid of themselves."

"Except they may give a crap because they're scandalous," Kara adds.

"Actually they're not," Hank says. "We thought so too until we got inside information on the rogue government group. Turns out they were just tipped off about the chemicals being dangerous, and they're just doing their jobs."

Kara gasps. "So not _all_ of the government is being totally scandalous, and they actually think Lena's being devious?"

"Looks like it," Hank says.

This is too much for Kara, she'd much rather be punching faces than putting together elaborate conspiracy puzzles. "How'd you get information on the rogue group? Where'd you find all of this out?"

And then things get... a bit awkward, with both Hank and Alex shifting their feet. Finally, Alex says, "We caught up with someone involved, and they were nice enough to fill us in on what's going on."

_Caught up? Nice enough?_ Kara gasps _loud_ loud. "Are you referring to torture? Alex did you - "

"You're my sister," Alex says, an eerie finality to her tone. "There are lunatics out there with the science to kill you. I'll torture whoever I have to so I can get this shut down."

Lena shoots Kara a wide-eyed glance and mouths _told you_ when Alex looks away for a second. Kara feels just... flabbergasted - since she never wanted this to come to _this_. Not because of her, especially. But, honestly, these guys tried to kill Lena, so Kara's having an unusually hard time wrapping her head around her staunch morality stance. "So what did they say? They're _not_ working with the DEA?"

"They alerted them to force the chemicals out of Lena, but from everything we've looked into - the DEA legitimately believes they're after quarantining dangerous drug-related chemicals. These guys are serious, and definitely backed by some weird fucking DoD black-project." She turns to Lena, but this time it's a bit more predatory and too fast for Kara to intervene. "Makes me wonder what kind of company you like keeping. But, Kara told me I had to be nice."

"Alex," Kara yelps. _Rao on a stick_. Lena actually brushes the back of Kara's hand with her own, and Kara just shouts the first thing that comes to her mind. "If you plan to torture her, you'll have to go through me first."

"I'm not going to torture Lena," Alex says, and looks absolutely bewildered. And that's the only reason Kara suddenly realizes that Alex didn't magically hear their car conversation. Kara's still not completely convinced Lena's in the clear, but she calms a little. "You two are like extremely smart and extremely dangerous toddlers - you require adult supervision at all times or you'd just fuck up and blow up the world. Who takes a sex vacation in the middle of a massive shit-storm of bioweapons and government-backed terrorists? The only reason I'm holding it in right now, is because I missed you and I love you." Then she looks to Lena and pauses for a scary second. "And the only reason I'm not giving you shit is because _she_ loves you."

"You were so nice two minutes ago," Kara whispers, grabbing Lena's hand because she's here and supportive and a good girlfriend.

Alex shakes her head, face actually softening. Which is so confusing for Kara, because when Alex blinks at her with apologetic eyes, she wants to cave immediately even though she just insulted Lena. Kara wasn't prepared for this. "Sorry, I just. I had to get that out before I blew a gasket."

"Well, put it back in," Kara frowns, edgy since everyone feels unpredictable and she's not sure what'll happen next or who will say what. "I already told you we had to drive back so they wouldn't catch us. Who cares if we had sex along the way?"

Hank grunts like he's startled.

Alex rubs her hands over her face in defeat. "Transmatter Portal? That the plan?" 

Right, they've got work to do.

They disperse after they figure out what they need to do, which leaves Kara with nothing but twiddling her thumbs since it was unanimously decided she just needed to stay out of the way and stay safe. Which is rude, she thinks, since she can beat Alex two-point-five days out of ten in the Kryptonite fighting room, so she should at least be able to ride along for the chemical transfer in case something goes down.

But _no_ , she's stuck in the secure, hidden warehouse, standing by Lena's side and not doing anything while everyone else plays heroes.

This is all to say, she's in desperate need of validation or maybe just love and support and _attention_. So she goes over to bug Lena as Lena sketches the layout of the bunker to give to J'onn for shifting in. "You've been making that grumpy face for the past twenty-seven minutes," Kara smiles. "I think the only solution is for me to kiss you to make it better."

"Your sister is here," Lena whisper-shouts, like Alex is the one with super hearing. But she's smiling herself, which means Kara's still got her charm. So she moves in slow, giving Lena plenty of space to stop her, in case she _actually_ doesn't want to kiss. Lena doesn't physically fight it, but she does giggle as she says, "Stop don't kiss me. Stop _stop_ \--" so Kara kisses her, and Lena whispers against her mouth, "She's going to _see._ "

"She already sees, she's watching." Kara wraps her arm around Lena's waist and turns them, and Alex rolls her eyes across the room and goes back to doing probably important things. "Make out with me."

" _No_ , that is not the proper course of action," Lena says, swatting her away like a fly.

Which would be offensive if Kara's heart wasn't eight times its normal size, since she's being flirty with Lena in public and. _Rao_ , it's just. Shit. This trip felt like it was all made up in her mind, but now everyone is _seeing_ and Kara just wants them to see more, wants to kiss Lena in front of everyone until it's solidified in the world's mind that they'll be together forever. Or something like that.

"Yeah it is. It's like a meet-cute in a rom com." Kara dips Lena just a slight bit. "Quick, my sister's watching," she says urgently. "You need to make out with me to avoid some random conflict."

"This isn't what this is," Lena says, eyes sparkling. How does she expect Kara to not make-out with her when she looks like _that_.

After all, Kara's only human now.

"How're we going to spend the next three days falling truly, madly, deeply in love if you don't participate in this impromptu make-out sess with me, Lena? Think about what's best for the movie plot."

"It'll be fine, Kara. Let me work." Oh no, she sounds serious. Kara frowns and straightens them. "I'm trying to save you, and thousands of others, okay? Be good, and I have a surprise for you once I'm done sketching."

"Fine, _fine_ ," Kara says, and goes off to play Fruit Ninja on a DEO tablet in a corner. Except she loves surprises, so it takes everything she has to wait the ten minutes it takes for Lena to finish sketching. And then she can't contain herself as Lena leads her outside. "Does it involve food? Don't think I've eaten in like a year."

“No, even better,” Lena says, smile glimmering in her eyes as she pulls Kara along. She leads them to the car and pops the trunk and there's what’s obviously a Supergirl super-suit lying inside of it.

It looks a bit like a scuba outfit—an all-black one-piece with a matte black House of El crest protruding from the center like something her aunt Astra would wear.

Kara’s instantly in love with it, but plays it cool, drums her fingers against her lips (instead of jumping up and down and clapping her hands together) and says, “I guess it’ll do. Could use a cape, but I won’t be picky.”

It’s just a dumb suit that Lena probably threw together in less than an hour, so the way she reacts to Kara’s half-compliment seems a bit disproportionate. She _gushes_ , stands up straighter and beams like this is her greatest invention yet—like she didn’t casually cure cancer or open a portal to the rest of the universe.

Lena Luther is an absolute conundrum.

“I thought maybe this could be a place-holder,” she explains. “But when we get the time I have more ideas. Including a cape. I can add that in. It's bullet-proof and flame resistant, though, so could be good to wear today. Just in case.”

“It’s perfect,” Kara says, leaning in and knocking their shoulders together. “Everything you do is perfect.”

It’s probably the sappiest thing Kara’s said, like, today. So she’s happy when Lena rewards her with a _kiss_ , and not just a peck, like a full-on frenchie.

And then she's even happier when she bounces inside to put her new suit on.

*

Which makes her feel like an overprotected puppy as she sits in the warehouse-lab-space-thingy with Lena and watches her fiddle with the tablet to get the Transmatter Portal up and running.

The plan is quite simple, really, mostly just J'onn and Alex and some other agents getting the chemicals and bringing them to the warehouse. And then they'll get them through the portal and be done with everything, start the image clean-up for Lena and explain to the DEA the chemicals are gone, and think up something to explain why Supergirl will be missing for some months.

Truly, it's not their most complicated mission, and Kara's not even involved in any of it.

So she feels double bored.

"Hey, um," Kara says, jumping off the lab counter to walk over to Lena. Lena looks up and quirks an eyebrow. "So, I've been thinking of nicknames for us ever since the drive from Arizona."

"Yeah?" Lena asks, half-smiling like she already knows this'll be bad. She's wrong, of course -- it's going to be terrible. "What are you thinking?"

"I've gone through a lot of good and not so good name options," Kara says slowly, drawing it out because Lena already can't contain her laughter. "But I think I landed on the perfect ones. So, just hear me out -- your nickname can be LL, like Lena Luthor, but LL. And I can be Cool K, like K for Kara. And our couples name can be LL Cool K, like LL Cool J, but --"

"Oh my god stop," Lena yelps all in one quick breath, actually flinging her hand over Kara's mouth as her laugh bleeds heavily through her attempt to stifle it. "What are you doing? Is this an assassination attempt?"

"No," Kara says, muffled, and then bites at Lena's palm until she moves her hand. She's _serious_ serious when she says, "I just want you to keep smiling and laughing, and not get all grumpy like back at the DEO. Alex is gonna come around, promise, but I can't handle both of you being upset. You're my rocks. I need at least one to lean on. We got this, LL."

"Christ, that's hilarious," Lena says, unexpectedly, still laughing. Either Kara's really good at this, or Lena's head over heels. Both are good options. "I'll be happy. For you. Promise."

Kara puts her hand over Lena's heart. "Happiness starts within yourself. You have to do this for you."

" _Go_. Go," Lena laughs. "Go upstairs, patrol the second level. Be useful."

Kara snorts and grabs Lena's hips. "I'm _trying_ , but I'm so bored. I just wanna be safe again so we can eat take-out and cuddle and not have death and gloom on our mind."

She sprinkles kisses on Lena's lips until Lena pulls back and says, "Wait a sec, getting something on the comm."

Kara waits as Lena nods to herself. When she feels like it's safe, she asks, "So what's up?"

"Nothing much. Transfer is going smoothly, just wanted to give me the heads up so I'd have the portal ready. Actually," Lena adds, " -if you're bored, I could show you what I'm doing on the tablet, how the Portal works."

"Sure," Kara says, moving so she's next to Lena and not in front of her. "I've always wanted to steal your technology for my own."

Lena points to some bars on the screen and explains, "These are the status gauges, programmed to reach a certain equilibrium to open the portal. Once they're there, you just hit this button and activate it. And over here, once everything is done, you just slide this all the way up and it'll overload the whole thing and cause it to shut down. It's sort of simple once you know what you're doing."

"Seems like it," Kara nods, and then reluctantly takes the tablet when it feels like Lena's handing it to her. "Feel like you shouldn't trust this in my possession."

Lena laughs a little and presses Kara's shoulders down, until she's sitting cross-legged on the floor on the side of the counter. "Just get used to it a bit, want you to be the one that controls it when the chemicals come in. Since you wanna help and all."

" _Oh_ ," Kara says, brightening up and going over the controls again. This is _exciting_ , she thinks, watching all the gauges fluctuating and one-by-one going green once they're ready. It's so fascinating all of sudden, Kara's heart in her throat just thinking about being _useful for the mission_. She gets consumed with it for a few minutes, so by the time she looks up again, Lena's doing something on the other side of the counter.

She's just about to stand and join her, when she hears a voice.

One that's not Lena's.

"We have the place surrounded," she hears a guy say. "I came in alone to let you know we're trying to be civilized, but you _will_ lead us to the chemicals, Lena."

And then she hears Lena say, "Smart of you to loop the drone footage. Didn't know you were capable of a decent idea."

Which, fuck. Fuck. Shit. That's probably what was said on the comms. Lena's not teaching her to work the portal so Kara can help out, she's teaching her so she can sacrifice herself and have someone still around capable of doing it.

Fuck, if Kara will let that happen.

She doesn't think of anything for a long second, pure terror freezing in her veins. Like if anything is going through her mind, it's _fuck_ and _no_ and _not Lena,_ so.

She jumps from behind the counter before she can even process what she's doing, and walks fast to get between the guy and Lena, only noticing he's holding a gun at the last second.

Lena looks absolutely startled and upset, and the guy switches his gun to Kara instantly and blurts, "Who the fuck are you Supergirl."

Kara holds up a hand. "I'm not sure how you'd like me to respond to that."

"Are you fucking Supergirl?"

Kara nods. "Yes, yeah. That's me. I am."

She can see him grip his gun more tensely. She really did not think this through, but Lena. She can only think about Lena. "Do you got your powers back?"

"No, no I don't," she says honestly. And maybe that's dumb, but she's panicking. "But I know where the chemicals are, and honestly, I'm a way better hostage than Lena."

The guy doesn't even get to respond, because Lena steps around Kara and shouts, "What the hell? I left you there for a reason. What are you doing?"

And Kara actually takes her eyes off the gun to get them on Lena, because she's panicking. _Panicking._ Fuck. She doesn't have time for that, this guy has a _gun_. "I mean, look at her," she says, looking back to the guy and taking a slight step forward so she's in between Lena and the gun again. "She's so hostile, she'd probably find a way to kill you on the way there."

"I doubt that," the guy says.

Lena grabs her arm. Kara pushes her back and takes an unnoticeable step forward, which Lena does not like at all. "She has nothing to do with this," Lena says. "If you want the chemicals, let her go. Otherwise you don't get shit from me."

" _No_ ," Kara says, turning so she's facing Lena and her back is to the gun. "I know where the chemicals are. _I'll_ take him there. And he's going to let _you_ go or otherwise he doesn't get shit from _me_."

"This isn't funny," Lena says, chest rising and falling dramatically. "Get back over there. Now."

"I'm not laughing, I'm telling you you're a shit hostage and I should be the one he takes along to get the chemicals. It's non-negotiable. So just shut up."

"Both of you shut the hell up," Kara hears the guy say, but he hasn't shot anyone yet, so she still has a chance.

Lena looks at her searching her eyes, frantic frantic frantic, like she knows Kara's up to something. "What the fuck are you doing?" 

Kara takes in a long, shaky breath. "Something probably stupid."

Then she shoves Lena so she crashes to the floor, and turns so she can lunge for the guy.

Except, she's not fast or strong or anything, really.

So the guy just lowers his gun and shoots her twice in the abdomen. The first thing she thinks when her knees hit the ground is that _the suit is not fucking bullet proof_ , like sure the bullets didn't pierce the material, but for all intents and purposes she was actually just shot. Twice.

Like, it _feels_ like she was shot, which basically feels like -- _painful fucking painful oh shit fuck dammit pain._

After a few seconds, she's not thinking much of anything. 

There's just her brain fizzing out and disconnecting from everything around her. Everything feels hazy and her eyes are swimming. But she keeps them open, because she knows if she closes them she'll freak Lena out and that's an unthinkable concept. Even though she can't hear anything but her heartbeat thundering in her ears, she can see Lena's face in front of her and she knows she's saying something out loud, screaming maybe, trying to get through to Kara?

She doesn't know how many seconds pass before she blinks and doesn't open her eyes again.

*

There was a moment where Kara was pretty sure she died.

Right when all the thoughts in her mind melted together and she couldn't hear what Lena was saying or see her lips moving anymore. When all the pain got overwhelming enough that everything started to spin and her vision lost so much focus it hurt more to have her eyes open, and then.

That moment right before she blacked out... she was pretty sure that was it.

This is to say, waking up in a fancy hospital (obviously still hurt and obviously still powerless) with a nurse at her bedside ranks as one of the happiest moments of her life. She tries to focus on Alex's warm, familiar voice when she comes in to tell Kara about her condition -- something about bones and fractures and internal bleeding.

The gist:

She fucked up her ribs and needed surgery because she bled a little inside, but she'll live. Just takes a while to heal.

All things considered, it could have been a lot worse. But it still means that Kara's going to be in pain for a while. It means she can't start training right away with Alex like she'd wanted to at the DEO (because she'd rather be a powerless agent than not an agent at all). It means she has to send Alex on a witch hunt for green jello, so she can get ten minutes to herself to turn and cry a little bit into her pillow, because her ribs feel worse than Kryptonite, maybe.

All-in-all, she feels a little small and a little frail, but she's sure everything is going to turn out fine.

Once she feels her crying letting up a bit, she focuses her attention on letting the painkillers carry her back to sleep.

When she wakes up again, she's in an even fancier room, and there're all these get well cards and balloons and flowers around her bed. She can't tell if they're for Kara or Supergirl, or how people found out she was hurt, so she reaches for one and remembers too late. " _Crap_ ," she groans, closing her eyes and scrunching up her face until the pain dissipates, already dreading the six-to-eight weeks of recovery.

"Kara?" she hears, a deep, lovely voice, and her eyes snap open to Lena walking towards the side of her bed.

 _Rao_. Lena looks - well, she looks pretty awful. Her eyes are puffy and her skin is paler than usual and her shoulders are slumped over like she has no idea what to do with herself. If she looks like this, then Kara must really look like shit. But the only thing she can process right now is how much love she feels for Lena in this moment, how her brain is instantly scattering and flooding with emotion fast enough to make her feel dizzy. 

She whispers _Lena_ and reaches her arms out weakly, agitating her ribs in the process, but _who cares_? Her girlfriend is pretty and perfect and standing in front of her looking frail enough to blow over in a slight wind. "Want you in bed with me," Kara croaks. "Want cuddles."

She half expects Lena to give a speech about not wanting to accidentally knock against her ribs or something; she's not expecting Lena to climb in the bed right away, _careful careful carefully_ , and lean on a shoulder so she's hovering above Kara and just blinking aimlessly with her big, pretty eyes. 

"I was so scared," she says eventually, dropping down to bury her face in Kara's shoulder, pressing firm against Kara so Kara can finally drink in how warm Lena is. Her ribs actually get scrunched a bit, but she doesn't make a sound, doesn't draw attention to it. "You're so dumb. You're so - I swear it's going to kill me."

Kara presses her nose into Lena's hair, brushes her lips against her forehead. "It's just Karma, yeah? I crushed your ribs, so the universe crushed mine. All is right, don't have to worry anymore."

" _Like that_ ," Lena groans, breath warm against Kara's shoulder. "You're so, so dumb. I just want you to be safe and you keep flinging yourself into danger."

"If one of us is going to get hurt, I want it to be me," Kara frowns. "It's not dumb, I don't think."

"You don't get to decide that," Lena says, muffled.

"Yes I do. Besides, you have way more to offer the world than I do. Especially since I don't have my powers now. I'm not much when I'm not Supergirl. Almost lost you because I couldn't even stop one guy with one gun."

"Stop it." Lena pulls her head up. "If J'onn hadn't gotten there right after you went down -"

Kara's heart leaps out of her chest just imagining where the second half of that sentence might go, so she jumps in and says, "I would've probably gotten even more bruises and Alex would've thrown you off a building or something."

Lena's eyes are glassy, but she catches on right away. "Yeah, exactly, and I don't want to be thrown off a building. That's not how I want to go."

"Yeah, you're right," Kara nods. "Won't let Alex get to you because of me."

"This isn't your fault," Lena says, dropping down again.

Kara tries to sound as sincere as she can possibly sound when she says, "It's not yours, either. I'll tell that to Alex. She was here earlier, I think. If I wasn't hallucinating."

Lena runs her finger across Kara's abdomen gingerly. "Yeah, she's um. She's around, but she won't even look at me. She only let me in because she figured you'd want to see me, I think. But I don't think she's happy about, well. I told her what you did, how you pushed me off and walked in front of the gun. And I don't think she's mad at me per se, but I think she's mad you'd do that for me. Or that you _did_. And it's just coming off as mad at me and not wanting to see me. But I can't blame her. _I'm_ mad at me for letting it happen."

"Rao, Lena." Kara trails her hand up to Lena's hair, aching because she just wants to make things right for her. Just once, she wants to fix things without fucking up other stuff. "I'm really sorry for all of this. I'm gonna fix it, I swear."

"No, it's okay. I just want you to rest and stop worrying about everything. I can't focus when you keep getting into stuff, and I need to focus to get your powers back."

"But I _have_ to get into stuff. If I don't stay occupied I'll do something weird like buy a hundred succulents and strategically place them all over your apartment."

Lena shakes her head, then takes the opportunity to kiss Kara's collarbone. "What are you doing in my apartment anyway?"

Kara risks hurting her ribs so she can nudge angrily into Lena. "Obviously, it's where I'm staying after all of this. If you expect me to sit still, I'll need round the clock care and attention. I can't get that alone at home."

Lena laughs, like actually _laughs_. "You can stay, but I can't be home all the time."

"It's fine. I'll just wear your clothes so I smell like you all day. It'll be like you're giving me a day long hug until you get back and give me more hugs."

Lena's smiling with her whole body, Kara can feel it. "You should be on the news right about now, by the way. J'onn's doing a press conference as Supergirl to clear my name and clear up the stuff with the chemicals. He's also announcing you're taking an off-world mission so he doesn't have to keep pretending to be you, and I get some time without scrutiny to find a cure."

"Sounds like the plan's working out then," Kara comments, a little distracted with running her hand through Lena's hair. "Let's watch then?"

"Sure thing," Lena says, and turns on the television.

They tune in just as Supergirl -- er, J'onn or whatever -- is answering a question about why she made the decision to take the chemicals off-planet instead of comply with the DEA. 

J'onn is handling the question well -- talks about how it wasn't just dangerous to her, how it was potentially dangerous to all aliens and humans alike, how the planet was better off not having it around with it's potential for chaos. And then he fields a few more questions about the off-world mission Supergirl is taking and the L-Corp research and some other minor things.

Just as the press conference seems it's wrapping up, one last guy steps forward and asks, "What's the nature of your relationship with Lena Luthor?"

Both Kara and Lena gasp at the same time, and J'onn looks calm as anything, like he doesn't catch on to what the reporter is insinuating, when he responds, "We have a good working relationship. Ms. Luthor has been able to provide me aid in many situations, and - "

"No," the reporter interrupts. The floor is deathly silent at this point. "I mean, are you friends? More than friends? Girlfriends, maybe?"

"Is this coming from the rogue government group?" Kara asks Lena. "This isn't really a smear, I don't see how us dating does anything to taint either of our names."

"I'm not sure," Lena shrugs, eyes glued to the television. "I don't even know where he'd get we're dating. I didn't even hang out with Supergirl that much, just Kara. This is weird."

J'onn as Supergirl looks perplexed. "I can assure you our relationship is strictly professional."

And then the reporter pulls out a stack of photos waving them around, and starts going on about a source that says they saw Supergirl and Lena together in a diner and can for sure confirm it was a date. And how there're loads of images that they put through face-matching software that confirms it's Supergirl, and.

Kara and Lena stare at each other for an entire minute before they burst into laughter, Kara shaking so hard that she's crying from the force of her smile and the pain combined.

So, here's the thing.

When the stun grenade crashed through Lena's apartment, Kara had already taken her glasses off. An unfortunate oversight, really, but when she flew Lena away, picking them up was the last thing on her mind. Which means she spent the entire road trip without her glasses. It seemed fine, they were in small, small towns, she wasn't in costume, she didn't have powers and she blended in as normal pretty well. And, most importantly, no one ever approached her about being Supergirl.

And somehow, _some way_ , this one reporter found pictures of -

Shit.

When it finally hits Kara, she laughs even harder, coughing and choking afterwards until Lena gets concerned enough to put a hand on her chest and calm her. "It's the waitress," Kara says, out of breath. "The one that didn't charge us for food. She was flirting with _me_ , because she knew I was Supergirl."

Lena mouths _oh my god_ and then shoves her face in Kara's shoulder. "Shit, you're right. We should have known she was scandalous all along. So'd she like photo-snipe us or something?"

"Probably," Kara says. "Knew we shouldn't have shared that milkshake. Set us up for failure."

She wraps her arm tight around Lena, still giggling, and looks back at the TV.

Once the reporter on the screen is done with his spiel and flaunting his evidence, J'onn just says, "Oh."

And then, well.

There are no whispers on the floor, no preemptive shuffling, no looks between the reporters. None of that -- everyone breaks out in absolute chaos at the exact same time: _Lena! Supergirl! Relationship!_

There are other words in between, sure, but that's the gist of it.

Kara can _see_ Lena blushing bright red next to her, just listening to the questions, like she's as happy as Kara is to be public about their relationship. "It could've gone worse than that," Lena says, cautious like Kara's even a little bit concerned.

"I'd say," Kara laughs. "This is perfect, now you're mine forever. The city'll never let you break up with me without giving you hell for it. I'm their sweetheart, their _Girl of Steel._ "

Lena turns and snorts out a loud, loud laugh. "I really am in love with you, you know that?"

And it's something that Kara can't quite comprehend, how she got so lucky. But she _does_ know that.

She knows she'll always have Lena.

Since she had the surgery and all, she's not allowed to leave the hospital for the next three days. Even though she tries three times to convince Lena to hatch an escape plan, before Lena actually gets legitimately mad and gives her a firm lecture about caring about her safety and whatnot.

So Kara takes living in the hospital like a trooper. She jokes with the doctors about her health and hopefully healing quicker than the projected time. She jokes with J'onn about the interview when he visits and promises he handled it fine and promises that she'd love to come out as dating Lena the moment she got her powers back. And then there's Alex. Kara _tries_ to joke with her, tries to talk about training with the DEO, being an agent, and then Alex gives her a _look_ and Kara lets herself be sad for a moment in her arms about being hurt and not having powers.

Which is probably why Lena tells her the next day that Alex apologized, and Kara's so happy she calls her out on it first thing when she sees her again.

"So, I hear you two are friends now," Kara says, hopefully. "Cold day in hell?"

Alex folds her arms, laughing. "Friends is _steep_. I apologized and asked for a truce, and she made me promise her I wouldn't shit-talk her in front of you and said she'd give me hell if I upset you more. To be honest, she's a little scary, so I agreed. Plus, I guess, she's also having a hard go at it right now with her girl in the hospital."

"If it means anything, she really is afraid of you too."

"Yeah, I almost believed you when you said it last, but I doubt that woman's afraid of _anything_. It's a little ridiculous."

Which makes Kara laugh, hard, and Alex apologize a thousand times when she starts wheezing. "Being human isn't fun at all," Kara complains. "I don't know how you put up with this."

A smile takes over Alex's face, the first real one Kara's seen on her since the shooting. "I'd say you'll get used to it, but you won't. I have faith in Lena."

Which has her smiling the rest of the night, since she never thought she'd hear Alex say that.

The first time she feels a little normal again is when she finally gets to go home with Lena. She's ecstatic about being out of the hospital and ecstatic about not being on meds all the time, so she can finally stop feeling so loopy. She's just happy in general, since it feels like her life is regularing out and she can finally take the time to enjoy her relationship and spend quality at-home time together with Lena.

It just feels nice, is the thing, like the good part of the rest of her life is finally starting.

And then Kara rolls out of bed the first night and crawls to the bathroom, nauseous and weak and absolutely disgusting feeling. She spends forever with her face in the toilet, gagging and aching and crying and hating life. And when it finally feels like she's got nothing left to give, she leans against the toilet and tries to rest.

So she's taking a pause between wincing in pain, fluttering in and out of semi-consciousness from being light-headed and nauseaous, and vomiting her brains out — when Lena comes from bed to cuddle her gross gross gross sweaty, smelly body. It feels like Lena doesn't care at all, brushes Kara's messy fringe off her forehead and even wipes the corner of her mouth like it isn't the worst thing ever.

Kara's only in her arms all of ten seconds before she's reduced to feeling like a small, breakable infant.

Lena just holds her through it, though, and keeps holding her.

No matter how ugly or bad it gets.

*

**+**

It's a full month before Kara can safely eat solid foods and walk half a mile without dying and basically revert to some form of a normal human being.

Which means she's spent the past four days holed up in the apartment with Lena, with their faces shoved in Chinese food boxes and drinking beer and chatting happily and being cuddled on this shaggy as fuck rug.

"Can't wait 'til I'm Supergirl again," Kara slurs, on her back on the rug, resting comfortably pressed against Lena's side. "Can tell everyone how Lena Luthor's even sappier than me. How she's..." Kara snorts, giggling uncontrollably. "How she's a _squish_."

"You're a sap, too," Lena says, just as drunk as Kara and still finishing off Kara's last beer. "Maybe it's more shocking for you than it is for me."

"Supergirl is like, quintessential sappy. Did you hear my hope speech?" Kara asks, leaning more into Lena so they're super squished together, her lips barely a breath away from Lena's cheek. She's mostly dizzy and a little achy and a tiny bit drunk drunk drunk and giggly, but being this close to Lena still manages to make something hotter curl inside of her. Especially since she's been too gross and too sore to sex since the bunker.

Especially when Lena turns to face her, smelling like whiskey and potstickers and all the stars in the universe, and her eyes drop to Kara's mouth, staring at her lips for a long minute before she drags her eyes to her gaze.

"Course I've seen it," Lena says. "Very inspiring."

She's still looking at Kara like, _intensely_ , and Kara feels all raw and exposed and _ugh_. "I feel like, very attracted to you right now."

Lena laughs. "Yeah?"

"No, like," Kara shakes her head. "I feel very _sexually_ attracted to you right now."

Lena laughs even harder. "What are you trying to say?"

"You know, I feel like attracted."

"There's a word for that," Lena says. "Starts with an H."

Kara can feel her cheeks blushing. "I've never said that word before, it makes me feel weird inside."

Lena snorts and turns to run her hand over the inside of Kara's thigh, warm warm warm on Kara's skin. "How are you simultaneously very fuckable and too adorable to say horny?"

"Like this?" Kara asks, spreading her legs wider and lifting her hips up.

Then she winces a little since her ribs still hurt a bit, and tries to hide it but Lena sees. "We sure we up for it?"

Kara nods. "Only a little pain left, not a lot. It'll be fine."

"Fine, but no hip stuff then. Don't want you hurting yourself, need to stay still." 

"I can stay still," Kara says, already moving her thigh against Lena's pants. "We should sex. We waited long enough. I just - I keep thinking about you."

"You've been tortured, babe?" Lena asks, sitting up so she can drift her hands up Kara's sides, lift her shirt until it's bunched beneath her armpits. Kara's not wearing a bra, so she feels _naked_ immediately. "How much do you think about it?"

Kara thinks about it a lot, all the time. She shifts her hips, and then remembers not to when Lena presses them down. "Always thinking about it," she mumbles.

Lena drags her fingers slowly down Kara's torso, blunt fingernails digging in just the right side of painful except for around Kara's tender spots.

"What do you think about us doing?" Lena asks, still trailing her hands down. Kara gasps when she bypasses her vag entirely to get a hand on her thigh, spreads her legs until Kara's just on the edge of being _too_ stretched. It's a lot, but Kara revels in it, loves being open for Lena, loves it when Lena drops down and sucks her nipple into her mouth and swirls her tongue around it.

"Stuff like this, and like, some other stuff," Kara says, flushing just hearing the sound of her voice while Lena's mouth is on her.

She tries to hump into Lena, get more, but with Lena holding her thigh down it just feels like she's forcing herself to open wider, stretching farther, and it _hurts_. But it's contrasting so much with how good Lena's mouth feels on her nipple, that Kara's having a hard time processing it.

It's still such a shock to Kara, how far Lena gets her so fast, how much she breaks the second Lena touches her. It's still fascinating how she's trembling just thinking about what Lena might do next, how if she closed her eyes, she's sure she could get herself close just from imagining Lena without her doing anything at all. Kara's never been a person that likes throwing herself at people, but with Lena she just flings everything her way, and so far Lena's always been there to catch her.

So Kara doesn't mind at all that every time Lena gets her hands on her, her mind slips into thinking about all the ways she can be better for Lena, all the ways she wants to be open for Lena (both literally and figuratively, because she's always been an over-achiever). She just wants to exist for Lena, however pathetic that sounds.

"You're so sexy when you're like this," Lena says, talking over Kara's nipple, pulling it back into her mouth afterwards and running her teeth over it. "I always think about how cute you are, so it always drives me crazy remembering how obscene you can get." 

Kara whimpers at that, thinking about Lena imaging how obscene she is. Something about that twists inside of her and just makes her want to give _more more more_ , give everything she has to Lena. The next time she humps up, Lena doesn't just hold her down, she digs her nails in as well and Kara _moans_ in response, spreading her legs wider on purpose and arching her back not caring how much it hurts. 

She feels like she's aching for it, not getting in return what she's putting in, but she's taking everything Lena will give her, driving herself crazy when it's just not enough. It's almost a relief when Lena pulls her mouth away, almost a relief when she stops touching her -- so Kara's body can rest, so she can take a breath and clear her mind.

"Guess we won't make you wait anymore," Lena says, crawling back to nudge Kara's underwear off, and then settling down with her head between Kara's legs.

She holds there for a second too long, breathing hot against how wet Kara is, puffs of air teasing teasing teasing Kara.

It's - Kara wants Lena's mouth on her so much that her breath keeps getting caught with anticipation. But, when Lena _does_ move to touch her, she decides to focus on her inner thigh, instead, sucks on a hard bruise that mostly reduces Kara to begging - something she never thought she would do, but.

Fuck, it's Lena. And she's always pulling things out of Kara that Kara didn't even know was there.

" _P_ _lease_. Want it," she mumbles, lifting her arm to bury her face in it. She feels so open, so vulnerable. She just wants Lena to _fuck_ her, wants it quick and sloppy. Can't take the waiting, can't. It's a lot and she can't handle it. "Want your mouth, please."

She doesn't get her mouth, but Lena does start circling her thumb around her clit, slowly and messily, dipping down to her hole and then dragging up to spread how wet she is. All the air is being sucked from Kara's lungs, feels like she keeps breathing out because she can't breathe in. Chest shaking and aching as she arches it off the floor. She's so destroyed just from being touched by Lena, that she nearly breaks when Lena sucks a bruise _over_ the bruise she just left and lingers there, sprinkling kisses over how sore it is afterwards.

Kara goes still, body tense and jittery as her mind blanks from the pain and Lena's hand and, _Rao,_ every single thing lining up right now. And then Lena stops kissing Kara's thigh and moves her fingers so she can suck Kara's clit instead. And Kara nearly comes, melts into the carpet shaking, but Lena pulls off right before she does and goes back to sucking the _same_ bruise, thumb circling around Kara's clit again. Kara chokes off a yelp and tries to focus her mind - everything feels like it's racing so fast, and there're too many sensations for her to pick one to focus on.

After maybe the longest five seconds in the world, Lena pulls her mouth off the bruise, which aches so much now it stings just from the air hitting it. And, for whatever reason, it's _that_ that's pushing Kara over the edge. She's so far gone when Lena moves back to sucking her clit again, that her mind floats - she gets so hazy that it feels like she's drifting, especially when she feels Lena's tongue circling over the tip of her clit as she sucks it in.

She lifts her hips, not even quickly, just slowly lifts them _up_ and... Lena pulls off again and shoves them down. Then Kara _actually_ yelps when she feels Lena suck at the _same bruise._ It hurts so much she almost wants Lena to stop, but she also _wants_ her to keep going.

And she just.

Lena's making her feel so confused right now and she just wishes she'd like. Tell Kara how to feel or something, she just wants to hear Lena's voice right now to ground her, because everything is all over the place and --

 _Now_ Lena's sucking her clit again and Kara's body is pulsing, breaths coming out in short bursts. She doesn't know what to _do_ , so much so that her hands keep shaking and she can't even piece together enough words in her mouth to speak a sentence or _beg_.

She can't hear anything, everything just feels so full, her chest, her head, her ears. Her thighs are shaking uncontrollably as her heels dig hard into the carpet. Miraculously, Lena's mouth stays on Kara's clit long enough for Kara to grip at her hair, long enough for Kara to finally press up against her mouth, long enough for Kara to _finally_ finally come, squeezing her thighs tight around Lena's head as she grips her hair and humps up into her face. It feels like she keeps going like that forever, riding an orgasm that doesn't seem to end until Lena starts tapping the outside of her thigh.

Right, fuck, she has to breathe.

Kara relaxes as much as she can, legs flopping open as she sinks against the floor. The world's coming back to her, air cold on her body because she's sweating so much. She closes her eyes since her visions blurry around the edges, feels Lena press her forehead to the inside of her thigh and then it's.

Shit, she shakes her head, tries to focus. She's not even sure if her body's okay, feels sluggish, _so_ sluggish, feels like she got ripped apart and she needs to be put back together, and all she can do is make whiny noises until Lena lifts up and kisses her a dozen times.

"I don't feel like - I don't know if I can for you," Kara stutters. "Not properly, I'm. Feel so tired." 

"It's fine," Lena says, still pulling back to shove her own pants off. "I can do most of the work, you just have to help a little. That sound okay?"

Kara nods and Lena crawls up toward her head. She's not sure where this is going until Lena lifts a thigh over her face, and then. Kara's head is just between her legs. _Oh Rao_. Her heart flutters and thumps at the same time; she can _smell_ Lena, she's right there. All Kara has to do is lift her head a bit and she'd be able to taste her.

Except, she doesn't even need to do that - looks up just in time to see Lena bite her lip and flutter her eyes shut just as she grinds down herself on Kara's face. Kara licks out her tongue immediately, too tired to eat Lena out properly, but doing what she can. She can feel Lena's hand tangling in her hair as she humps against her face, sense her other hand near Kara's head to hold herself up. And, _wow_ , Kara's getting hotter just imagining how it must look, imagining Lena on top of her, imagining her riding her face and grabbing her hair and throwing her head back, and shit.

Kara moans louder than Lena does and she's not even the one being eaten out right now.

But it must do something to Lena, because her hips catch at the same time her breath does and then she swirls them instead of rocking them, letting out little breathy sounds. Kara tries to crane her neck, put more effort in, but Lena holds her head down, holds her down firm and just works her hips against Kara's face for a little while, until she's slumped over and breathing hard and jerky, and. She just rides Kara like that until she's done, snaps her legs shut around Kara's ears when she comes, frantic but careful; intense but considerate.

Kara keeps licking out even when Lena's done moving, keeps going until Lena rubs her fingers through her hair like she's nudging Kara away.

"See, you were perfectly capable of helping out," Lena says, once she climbs off Kara's face and cuddles against her side, biting her lip like she didn't mean to say it so breathy. "You're the best."

"No, you are," Kara says, already too sleepy to keep up the conversation, but enjoying how warm she is snuggled with Lena.

She just loves Lena so much, loves everything about her.

And if they have to wake up in the middle of the night so Lena can hold her hair back as she hurls out everything she ate because of all the activities, she still wouldn't regret a single thing. She has Lena. She loves Lena.

She goes to sleep only thinking about Lena.

**+ And Then Kara _Finally_ Gets Her Powers Back**

It only takes Lena two months to figure out the cure, which is less time than she predicted, so it's a bit of an understatement to say Kara is absolutely ecstatic.

So ecstatic that she flies to Lena's office as soon as she's charged enough at the DEO in her full suit and everything and Lena... takes a step back when Supergirl takes a step toward her.

"Everything okay?" she asks, and Lena twists her hands together.

"No, it's. You're just. You're actually _you_ ," Lena says, exhaling a long breath. "Like, with your arms and your hands and your shoulders and your tight suit, and. Just, wow."

Kara smiles. "Lena Luthor, do you have a crush on Supergirl?"

"No," Lena smiles back, rolling her eyes. "I have a crush on my hot girlfriend Kara Danvers, who just so happens to look good in a short skirt.

"Oh no, you can't fool me. I mean there's always been tension between us," Kara laughs. "But I never imagined it was sexual."

“Okay, you got me,” Lena says, not missing one single beat. She laughs easily as she fixes her eyes on Kara’s lips, and definitely not her eyes. Kara sucks her bottom lip clear into her mouth like it’s an air vacuum. “I had a crush on both Kara _and_ Supergirl. Okay? Don’t give me crap for it.”

“Oh, that. I— _what_ ,” Kara sputters. And then a second later she laughs uproariously, sudden, like someone punched it out of her chest. “Please—that’s not a joke. Please say it’s true.” Her laugh just keeps picking up speed every time she tries to stifle it, like motors revving at a car race. 

“It’s true,” Lena nods, laughing with Kara like it’s infectious. Laughter is in the _air_. “I liked you both, okay?”

“Well I usually have my cape lying around,” Kara says. “I could always throw it on, switch back and forth like some sort of polyamorous role play. I’m pretty quick, if that’s what you’re in to.”

She sort of panics once the joke is out, though, like if it’s _too_ weird. She got lulled into comfort from the laughing and mistakenly, like. Ah. Kara freezes for the half a second Lena is silent. And then, miraculously, Lena throws her perfect, delicate hands over her mouth and laughs hard enough that her belly shakes. “Your sex jokes are worse than the rest of your jokes, wow. That's impressive."

That’s her way of saying Kara’s perfect, Kara knows. And, shit, Lena’s pretty eyes are glittering like stars in the Andromeda galaxy on a clear night. Kara hopes to Rao that Lena can see that thought on her face, because she loves every inch of Lena. Which is why she’s confident enough to step in even closer, and _knows_ Lena won’t step back this time.

“If you think that’s impressive,” Kara says, looping her hand around Lena’s waist to pull her flush against Kara’s stomach. “Just wait until you see me _fly._ ”

Kara spirals them in the air then, in a really awesome show of aerobatics, if she does say so herself, and Lena’s laughter is like music to her ears. Lena’s enjoying herself in Kara’s arms, and Kara can’t stop her throat from clenching up from how happy she suddenly feels. She’s literally floating on cloud nine.

“I missed flying so much,” she says, muffled into Lena’s neck as she hugs her mid-air. “I’m so happy you got my powers back.”

“Alex helped me out,” Lena says, gripping on to Kara’s shirt. “I was - I got stuck, and I called her for help.”

“What you guys were hanging out behind my back?” Kara asks, swinging her feet and nudging Lena’s hips up so her legs are wrapped around Kara’s waist. “I feel mildly offended.”

“You should be,” Lena laughs, tightening her legs. “I'm gonna be her favorite sister pretty soon.”

“I don't think I'd mind that,” Kara says offhandedly, sort of otherwise preoccupied with how warm Lena feels against her stomach. “Just want you two to get along. It's all I need in life.”

Lena looks at her for a second. Then down at the floor, then back at her and says, “Fuck. You better have figured out how to multitask,” before she presses in to kiss the living daylights out of Kara. Maybe it’s because she went through literal hell the past couple months, or maybe it’s that she’s been legit fantasizing about having her powers for fucking ever, or maybe it’s the fact that it's been _so_ long since she felt this confident and free, but this is the very best kiss that Kara has ever had in her life.

And Lena is the very best girlfriend.

Kara makes sure she tells the media, too, every chance she gets. Like during her first interview when they ask if she plans on ever leaving National City.

And Kara answers, "Not at all, it's my home. It's where my heart is." And then she looks square at the camera and adds, "And by heart, of course, I mean Lena Luthor."

Alex will probably give her shit for it until the day she dies, but it was worth it.

**End**

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: [here](https://valkyrieskwad.tumblr.com/)


End file.
